Five Life Lessons I Learned from my Mom

Everyone always says "mama knows best."  It's true.  There may have been a time in my life where I didn't believe it as much, but looking back now, the best life lessons I have learned have come from my mom.  Not to mention everything I know about motherhood too!  My mom is practically a saint.  She's the most giving, selfless, loving person I know.  Sure, I learned how to sew from her; a task that required the utmost patience and restraint so she didn't choke me when I was being "difficult."  She also taught me how to cook and bake, how to budget and do other basic financial tasks.  Of all the practical skills I learned from my mom, there are five life lessons that will always stick with me and have carried me through the good, the bad, and (since the beginning of the never-ending potty training) the messy.

1) You can have More than One Best Friend
During my late-grade school and middle school years, the "who's your best friend?' question was always posed.  I remember feeling torn about who my one best friend was; I had lots of friends who were bests in their own ways, but the "need" to choose one was insisted by my peers.  There was always lots of "friend ranking" a best friend, a 2nd best friend, a 3rd best friend and so forth.  I felt torn by the feeling to rank my friends.  After lots of contemplation over who my best friend was, I asked my mom who I should pick as a best friend.  She said "well, you can have more than one best friend.  Life is better with more."  She was right.  Since then, I have had lots of best friends all at the same time!  Having a larger network, especially in life as a transient military family, its not only ok to have many best friends, its necessary.  It is so great to have a strong group of friends literally all over the world!

2) Forgive Those who Hurt You
Forgiveness is one of the hardest concepts to grasp, but the one that can do the best good for the heart.  It is SO hard to forgive those who have hurt us, especially if they're close to us.  But, my mom has taught me to do it.  If not for the benefit of the other, but for the benefit of myself and my heart.  Life's too short to harbor ill feelings towards others.  I have watched my mom forgive those close to her in time I would not have been able to so easily.  Her example on forgiveness has been a stepping stone for me.  I can forgive those who have hurt me because of the example my mom has set for me.  Trust me, my forgivenesses have not been nearly as hard as hers and I commend her for that! It's easy to hold a grudge; its hard to let it go but letting go makes all the difference.

3) If you Fall, Get Back Up
I mean this both figuratively and literally.  Mom and I are both not the most graceful when it comes to falling!  She needs to stop that mess before she hurts herself.  But, on a more figurative sense, my mom has taught me that when things in life knock you down, you just have to get up and try again.  Maybe try it a different way.  Maybe try a different approach or thing all together, but get up and try going forwards continually.  Of course, if your literally fall, it's also a good idea to get back up again.  Unless something is broken, then just wait for assistance.

4) Be Involved 
I learned at a young age from my mom encouraging me to be involved in my community, that doing so is a good thing!  Was I a little too involved? Maybe at times, but the skills I learned, memories made, friends gained, and lessons learned were well worth the late nights sewing, washing horses, and trimming goats and pigs before the fair.  It was even worth all the tears and cuss words shed over sewing projects!  I was active in many things from 4-H to church activities and sports while growing up because my mom signed me up for Tumbleweeds (mini 4-H) and the rest has been history.  I am still involved in many activities in my community to help engage myself, serve others, and make a difference!

5) Things Always have a Way of Working Out 
This has been the biggest thing I have learned from my mom.  Things will always work out.  Maybe not 100% how I want, maybe not 100% on my timeline, but what is meant to be and what is best will always be in the end.  Give it to God, and go to sleep, so to speak.  Just having faith that life brings us through challenges to bring us to the things we are best suited for.  At least this has been my experience, and like always, mama knows best here too.  Even as an adult, I still look to her for advice.  I still need to hear (or read if we are messaging, thank God for technology!) her say "don't worry, it'll all work out."  I must say, she has a 100% track record of being right on this one!

I will always look to my mom for advice, whether it's how to train a steer to lead or not to train my kid to poop in a toilet.  Situations have changed as I grow, but what doesn't change is my need for my mom's love, guidance, and wisdom.  I can only hope I can be the same source of love and light to my children as my mom is to me.  She's a saint, guys. Through and through.

Motherhood:1000: Tales of a Student-Mom

Surprisingly, labor has not been the hardest part of my parenting journey.  Although, if you had asked me the day after my son was born, the answer may have been different.  The hardest part hasn't even been the potty training fiasco we are currently in the trenches of (although, when my son peed on my wedding shoes my answer may have been different).  The hardest part has been the ten semesters  I spent as either a full-time college student or just a credit or two short of full time.

I started college well before my kids were born and before I even knew my husband existed.  I had fun, learned a lot, probably had a little too much fun, but gained knowledge and life advice from many professors I still consider life mentors.  When we got married and I started this crazy life as a military wife, my biggest goal was to continue my education and pursue my passions.  When I discovered I was pregnant with our son, my ambitions with education didn't change.  I have kept pursuing my goals.

So, two countries,  three colleges, countless courses, and two degrees earned later here we are! I am finally finished with my field of study (for now, at least until school days come).  While it has been so worth it, it was no easy task.  I didn't really think much would change, but it did.  There were late nights, homework done while holding babies (my daughter was born in my last two semesters!), some missed assignments to comfort sick little ones, tears, frustrations, and fire.  That last one is what kept me going those ten semesters.  I never stopped; fall, spring, summer semesters I always had classes.  Mostly because I knew if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to start again.  The roles of being a wife and a mother would flood in and  I would enjoy my few moments of calm in the evening when I was not scrambling to finish homework.

Sometimes, I sacrificed sanity.  Sometimes I sacrificed intimacy with my husband. Sometimes I sacrificed housework, laundry, and clothes went unfolded for a couple days.  Then, sometimes I sacrificed having a perfect score on something or a quiz periodically to spend time with my children that I wouldn't get back.  Because life is all about balance.  Frankly, I would rather do ANYTHING than statistics class.  Anything.  Even teaching my son to poop in the toilet is more lucrative.  But, even on the long, late nights, the courses that did frustrate me (ahem, statistics), and the crazy deadlines clearly not geared for someone rearing children, I did it.  I didn't quit--though the thought crossed my mind more often than I would like to admit!  If you are in the same boat, trust me, I know it is so hard.  I know what you're going through and how absolutely frustrating and seemingly impossible it can feel at times.  But I also know the feeling that floods in when the degree is placed in your hand.  Never in my life have I cried when I received something--not in high school, not getting my associates, not with countless 4-H, FFA, and PAS awards, but I cried tears of joy, accomplishment, and relief walking across the stage at the University of Wyoming during my graduation ceremony.  Because, despite all odds, all the statistics about women having children before finishing their degree, I overcame an I achieved.  I remind myself of this every time I am coercing a 3.5 foot tall blonde boy to poop in a toilet.  If I mastered Freud and Skinner, I can master potty training....right?  

The No Sandwich

Contributed by: Colleen Rye, henceforth known as Slave to My Spawn

“No, I don’t want an apple, NO!” Lunchtime and my three-and-a-half year old decides that he is serving No Sandwiches. But wait, I’M the momma. I’M the boss. I decide what is for lunch! Before I had kids, I had this idea of how my kids were going to be. They will be kind, have lots of friends, and do at least 95% of the things I ask. Clearly, I was drunk when I had those thoughts.  My sweet (when he wants to be) little boy helped create a new taste sensation. As all parents know, “No” is the most important word at this age. “No potty No.” “No chicken No.” In fact, you can sandwich any suggested phrase between “No.”  In our house, we refer to this as a No Sandwich.

Now that he has found his voice and uses it. All. The. Time. Most answers are “No, I don’t want _____, NO!” The No Sandwich is bittersweet. Sometimes he will serve it and it’s funny. For example, “Peanut (that’s what I call him sometimes), would you like to eat popcorn for dinner?” Popcorn is of his favorite snacks, but I get “No, I don’t want ka-porn, NO!” Until I walk away from the pantry to sit down on the couch. Then he emphatically tells me he wants popcorn. Duh. I’m your momma. I know you want the damn ka-porn. Other times, it’s not funny and I want to rip my hair out. I am sure most parents can relate. Case in point, we had been in the house for a few days because of the weather. I was getting cabin fever and it was going to be beautiful outside. “Grab your shoes! We are going to the park to play outside!” He loves being outside and running around like a mad man. He’ll play in dirt, he’ll play on rocks, grass; he doesn’t care. But of course, you know the answer he gave me. “No, don’t wanna go outside, NO!”  This is when I lose it and start spouting off ridiculous punishments if he doesn’t find his shoes so we can get the eff out of the house. “I’m not going to read Sneetches at bedtime!” or “You will not watch cartoons if you don’t get your shoes!” In 4 days, I had had enough Daniel Tiger, Curious George, and PJ Masks. I wanted sunshine. I wanted wind. I wanted to get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts drive through and talk with other parents with children as crazy as mine. I JUST WANTED OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE! He did finally get his shoes, after I told him that his friends were going to be there and that he could get a cheeseburger afterward. Yes, I resorted to bribery.

Internet professionals (HA!) tell me that he will be a leader. He will stand up for himself and won’t back down from challenges. He will change the world and how mankind thinks. He could be President of the United States or run a global corporation or BOTH! But right now, I want him to go to bed at 8pm, pick up his dinosaurs and Legos that are all over the floor, and finish his chicken at dinner. At times, I have had my fill of the No Sandwich and I want to ram it back down his throat. But then, he’ll look at me with those beautiful brown eyes and tell me he loves me.  And I’ll eat the No Sandwich, savor the taste with the memory of that moment, and know that these memories will taste better and better with each passing year.

Becoming a Military Spouse: A Lesson in Finding YOU!

If, on the day I set foot in my first agricultural business class, someone told me I would be marrying a soldier in three years, moving over seas, and saying farewell to my (at that time) dream career, I would have laughed.  I thought I knew exactly who I was. I was Courtney Mathews, well-known participant in FFA and 4-H which brought me opportunities literally all over the country to meet new people, make great connections, and map out step by step exactly what I needed to do to be what I wanted in life. Then, everything changed.

I met this pretty cool, super good looking, kind of funny guy one day and the rest is history.  Now we are married, with two wonderful little people none of which I would trade for anything.  Oh!  One little tiny detail....that guy I told you about?  He's in the army, and, like it or not, that little tidbit was destined to change the course of my life forever.

When we got married, I knew a lot of things were going to change, but it didn't hit me for a few weeks just how much.  Five days after our wedding I boarded a plane to move to Germany with my husband as he was stationed there.  I soon came to a pretty harsh realization; not one person knew me.  Not one person knew who I was.  Sure, they knew I was "Mrs. Dixon" or "staff sergeant Dixon's wife" but no one knew ME.  No one knew I had given up everything (willingly, he didn't force me to marry him, no worries) to live this life.  I left behind my degree field, my ambitions, my horses, my training talents, my dream job, my family, my friends, and everything I knew to be true about myself.  Two things can happen when a person is stripped of what she believes to be her identity--depression or rediscovery.  Admittedly, I experienced both.   I mourned the loss of me, of who I was, of a secure sense of self.  I was happy and ecstatic to be married and to be expecting our first child (that happened fast!).  After a while of wondering, of searching, of waiting, of trying things, I realized one thing; no one can tell you who you are, that part is up to you, and you get to be whoever you want!

So I had to leave behind my ag business dreams, but I did not give up on my education.  I found a new and better suited venue for my personality as a psychology major, and I still attended my dream school, just online!  I found new hobbies to enjoy regardless of where life takes us.  I found new people I would have never met otherwise and have built such amazing and strong friendships.  I have found new passions in life that I would not have been so devoted to without this life.  I have discovered strengths I never knew I had.  I have found talents I never knew I had.  After all, who would have thought I would be (sort of) awesome at Zumba?  Do I miss the things I loved before? Everyday.  Everyday I miss my horses and showing and training.  I miss ranch life.  I miss rodeos, horse shows, and long days training.  But, when I start to feel those things getting to me, I remind myself that those dreams are not dead, they are just delayed.  The things I am experiencing right now are things that are one-time opportunities!  These experiences are writing my story, and I prefer for it to be a long and at least mildly interesting one.  Most of all, I want to exemplify to my children that we don't always do the things we want in our time, there's a timeline much greater than our own.

I am not anonymous in this life.  I have a voice, I am a person, and I live things to the fullest.  I have experienced cultures, circumstances, and places that I would not have otherwise, and this has all helped build a new puzzle of me.  I know much more about who I am, my strengths, my goals, and my likes than I did before this life.  I know who I AM!  I have found myself in a life that can very easily become a life of monotonous anonymity; don't let it.  Find you. Be you.  Love you, and spread that with everyone you meet!  Being a bit of sunshine and positivity in a life of camo, boots, goodbyes, and transition is the least you can do for you!  Trust me, it goes a long way for your personal well-being.  Know you, be you, love you, and be as completely fabulous as you can!

The Potty Training Drinking Game

It seems like someone has created a drinking game for everything.  Political debates, football games, outcomes of various sporting events, the Olympics, The Bachelor, and about any other pop culture happening.

So, it's time for me to share my drinking game; the potty training drinking game.  We are on day three of potty training our three year old son, I have learned this is not for the faint of heart.  I have lost a handbag and a pair of shoes to the "accidents."  I put that in parentheses because those two particular incidents were at least somewhat, malicious.  Not so much that he maliciously peed, but he did maliciously go hide in my closet because he did not feel the need to sit on the potty.  Clearly, he needed to.

So, the game is simple.  Before noon, brew your favorite coffee.  I am so unbelievably thankful for the Keurig I received as a graduation present right now.  It basically is going just endlessly before 2 p.m. making us wonderful cups of coffee to help keep my sane and level headed as I help our son use the potty.  After noon, pour yourself your favorite glass of wine.  I suggest having a box of wine for the potty training escapade (trust me, you're going to need it).  Every time your child goes in the potty, take a drink!  Because let's be honest, this is just as much an accomplishment for mom (or dad) as it is for the child.  You deserve to celebrate each little moment too. Plus, it helps keep you really happy and really sane through the potty training journey.

It also doesn't hurt to take a drink (or two) while cleaning up every accident.  I'm convinced that for each successful goal, there needs to be at least 45 accidents associated.  Reminding myself that these are accidents and he is learning a pretty mentally tough concept to get; essentially potty training is the redirection of a natural instinct, so it's going to take some time, is beneficial.  Folgers and Franzia are helping me remind myself of this each time I'm scrubbing.  Let me just take a minute to thank Hoover for making the Little Green Machine carpet spot cleaner.  It's a life saver.

As I am learning at only three days in, potty training sucks.  It's not easy, my son is very stubborn; he wants to learn but on his terms not mine.  He is figuring it out slowly but surely.  Whatever you as a parent can do to get through the tough stuff that is this life stage do it!  If its pouring a glass of wine to sip through the afternoon at 1 p.m. I won't judge you.  If all else fails, play the potty training drinking game as invented by the Mediocre Mommy.

**ALWAYS DRINK RESPOSIBLY** Those under 21 years of age by federal law are prohibited from consuming alcoholic beverages (but coffee is not off limits!).

The Evolution of [Mom] Dance

The weekend finally approached!  Time to find my cutest outfit, favorite shoes, do my hair and makeup just so, and head out!  As long as the DJ is good, it doesn't matter where we go; it's time to dance.  The moves are simple, just kind of shake it and sway side to side, drink a vodka-cranberry (or just a cranberry if we're at the college dances) and scan the area for the best looking guys...

Fast forward six years.

Whoop!  The night is finally here!  Time to put on my favorite, pink and gray pants, best pink tank top, throw my hair up in some sort of messy concoction on my head, and lace up my favorite....Asics! Or Nike's if I am feeling really ambitious.  Wait.  Isn't that how everyone hits the club?  It is if you're super cool and spend your monthly "clubbin" night doing Zumba at the sort of dance club in small town Missouri. Like everything else, my dance moves have evolved as I have entered motherhood as well.  They are definitely NOT cooler, but I am cooler, because unlike six years ago, I really could care less what anyone thinks of my moves.

About every other month on the last Friday, the "dance club" in town opens the doors only for the ladies and guys who take Zumba classes from our local instructor.  We spend about two solid hours Zumbaing our butts off.  It's pretty awesome!  Make fun of Zumba all you want, I sure did in my pre-marriage, pre-children days, but that stuff is hard work!  It's a great workout and it is a lot of fun.  Now, I never said I was good at Zumba.  Watching me is like watching a drunken octopus do ballet on an icy stage, but I don't care!  It's fun, and I probably am a hoot to those who watch me.  Luckily, my friends and I are all about the same level of Zumba greatness, so sometimes its like watching seven drunk octopus's do their thing on the dance floor.

I have never been big on dirty or sexually explicit dancing.  I don't so much care if other people do it, I just know I don't physically move that way.  This is coming from the person who went to quite a few college dances dressed in a banana suit.  Twerking didn't "werk" for this person.  I can't even begin to think how to make my body do that!  I am not that good.  Know what I can do? I can do the best sprinkler you have ever seen, an amazing shopping cart, and I am not too shabby at the lawnmower or driving the bus.  Sometimes I just kind of move around for no reason in time with the music.

But the best part about evolving the the "mom dances" isn't the fact that someday I will use my killer moves to totally embarrass my "too cool for mom" teens (although that's a close second), it's that I just don't care anymore.  When we go have fun dancing I'm not trying to find some cute guy, I've got that back at home (and he is REALLY cute, guys).  I no longer care what other people will think about me, I don't even care if anyone notices I exist!  I'm there to spend time with some of my best friends!  We just want to get our Zumba on, grab our one free drink, dance a couple songs, and then get Taco Bell on the way home--because we clearly burned enough calories to do so, right?  It's all about balance.  So the next time you're out on the town, and see some weird lady in workout clothes mowing the lawn or doing the funky chicken or completing the best sprinkler you have EVER witnessed, just yell "Hey Courtney!" I'll wave!  I'll probably come make you dance with me too, but I will definitely wave.