We have probably all had someone tell us at some point that "you can't pour from an empty cup." Aside from the obvious laws of physics that this mantra points out, the spiritual reference is much stronger than I realized as a new mom. If we aren't refilled, inevitably we will hit a point of emptiness that can't be replenished instantly. I know because this happened to me.I used to feel that I had to continually pour from this ever flowing fount of care and giving to everyone but me. I felt it was just "part of being a mom" and I let everything I knew and loved about myself go. One day after our daughter was born, I came across a photo of me taken at the National FFA Convention the year I received my American Degree. As I looked at myself in the picture I had this HUGE bundle of emotions come over me. Where was she? What happened to that girl who had everything going for her? Where was that confidence, that drive, that self-love that was so exuded in just that moment of my life? Then, I looked up into the mirror at the chubby, frumpy, unmade face, unbrushed hair, spit up stained t-shirt wearing, tired woman staring back at me and thought "she has to be under this somewhere, right?" In that moment I had let go of all the things I was and knew; not just in life and knowledge, but all of the personality traits that made me who I was. It was probably the toughest realization of my life, but also one I needed to make. I realized that I had to get back to caring for myself or I may not be here to take care of my children for as long as I want and need to be. It didn't help that I was having huge hormone let-downs postpartum and was basically a crazy mess anyway. The next day we took a shopping trip to Sam's Club, and between a screaming infant and a toddler who refused to listen to anything, I couldn't take it anymore and completely lost my shit in the bulk canned foods aisle next to the green beans. I stood there with the flood gates opened as my baby cried on my chest in a gassy fuss, my toddler ran up and down the aisle, and my husband stared at me with concerned, yet embarrassed eyes. We finished our shopping and left quickly to drive back home. I had ran my cup dry and needed to do something to refill it before we all thirsted for care and love to death.
Thankfully, my husband knew I was stubborn and would not take the initiative to just go. The next day he sent me to a nearby town to visit a winery I had been talking about wishing we could go to and the outlet mall he hated but knew I enjoyed. As I sat at the Shawnee Bluffs Winery overlooking the Lake of the Ozarks I decided that in that moment of reset, I needed to make a plan to get myself back and find that woman in the picture again; because that was the person I wanted to give to my children. I vowed to take better care of myself by starting an exercise routine, feeding us healthy and nourishing meals, and doing at least one thing a day specifically for myself whether it be a small getaway occasionally, taking a shower in peace,having a glass of wine after bedtime, or grabbing a latte for myself. I also decided it was time to start writing again. Putting it out there for others to see 1) the raw, real, and fun side of motherhood minus all the arguments and putdowns and judginess. The rest of the world is too good at that already and 2) that moms are not alone. We ALL go through these moments of lost sense of self. Anyone who says they haven't is lying to you. We must all stop and refill the cup or else we will run dry.
We cannot give the best of ourselves to anyone if there is nothing left to give. 365 days later, the cup is overflowing and I am giving more to my children and husband than I thought was possible! I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep that cup full! we cannot give to others if we have nothing left inside of us to give. Now you all know a little more about the origin story of the Mediocre Mommy! It's not as cool as Wolverine's, but I think it is a close second. We can't ALL be X-Men, after all. Side Note: I really hope my bored mediocre husband reads this, I put that in there for YOU honey. I pay some attention to some of the stuff you like, see?
Disclaimer: The Mediocre Mommy received no pay or incentive to mention the above establishments. These mentions were at the discretion of the writer and publisher and are not meant for advertising purposes.
