There was a time when I was cool. There was a time when I could stay up until the wee hours of the morning with my friends having fun. There was a time when I would have looked at me now and thought I was so uncool now. I made so many statements about the things I would never do in my life when I was too young to know anything different from the life I was living. We all say weird stuff in college. We all are discovering ourselves and in the process assume we will be these fun, untouchable, awesome people indefinitely. Then life happens. Looking back, there are at least five things college Courtney would totally laugh at mom Courtney for!
1. "You Bought a Mini Van?!"
My college roommate and I quite literally vowed we would never, ever, under any circumstance drive (much less actually purchase) a van of any type. Guess what? A husband and two kids later, we are the proud owners of a Dodge Grand Caravan. Know what? I absolutely LOVE my van! The space is amazing. It has Sirius radio so I can listen to the cool, hip music in my mom van. The doors slide which means I don't run the risk of scratching the car of the jerk who parked entirely too close to a car with carseats on both sides. I have so much space for Sam's Club and Target purchases. I have bucket seats. Is it as sporty and cool as the Dodge Dakota or Chevy Avalanche I drove in college? Probably not at all. Is it roomier and more practical? Absolutely. Plus, it has stow and go. I'm in heaven. Sorry, Rachel, I broke our oathe! But this van is love.
2. "You Wear Leggings?!"
Yes, college self. I wear leggings. Know what else? I. LOVE. THEM. Leggings, paired with the proper shirt, are totally pants. I love my LuLaRoe, ok. I love the comfort, ease, and support. I love the look. Sure I still love a good pair of jeans, but jeans just don't offer the mobility. You know what doesn't happen in a good pair of leggings? Crack. I have yet to have my butt crack hang out while feeding a baby or bending over while running after a crazy toddler. That is so awesome. To the leggings designers out there, you guys rock. Thank you for saving me from the public humiliation that is my husband (loudly) pointing out that he can see my butt crack in public.
3. "You Own GRANNY PANTIES?!?!"
Yes ok. Yes. All moms own Hanes underwear. Because the only thing less cute than a butt crack while sitting in public to feed a baby is a thong hanging out above that butt crack. It's not the early 90s. That's not a thing, and that should never have been a thing, but there was a time when it was "stylish." I used to have cute underwear. I used to actually care what they looked like. Now, I just want coverage. I want something to hold my mom belly in because anything I can buy to hid the excess chub from baby fat is worth it to me. This is also how I know my husband is a virtual saint. Because Haines briefs are probably the farthest thing from sexy lingerie there is on this Earth, but he still loves me. He rocks for real, or maybe he just pretends I still wear cute undergarments. Either way, the mom undies aren't going anywhere.
4. "You Left the House without Makeup?!"
Yes, I sure did. You know what else, College Courtney? Mom Courtney went to Walmart without makeup on, she does it regularly, and she doesn't care! Sure, I still absolutely love makeup. I love playing with and putting on my makeup, but I just don't always have the time or the want to do it. There's actually something really positive in being comfortable enough in my own skin to leave the house with nothing on, because there was a time that I would have mentally not been able to do so. I mean, when we first got married, I would put on makeup before my husband got home, even if I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt all day! I still love makeup and I still have lots of it! But it is no longer needed in order for me to go grab chocolate milk or pay our rent bill.
5. "You Dance Like a Loser."
I do. I don't care. It's really, really awesome. Yes, my dance moves are not as "cool" as they once were. They are a little more nerd, a lot less cute, and a lot less butt movement. Mostly because I have a lot more areas I would rather did NOT shake at this point that I stick to classics like the lawn mower and shopping cart every chance I get. I am, however, getting to be pretty awesome at Zumba if I don't say so myself. Well, awesome compared to when I started! On the occasion that I do go out dancing with my friends (this happens when we have "Zumba at the Club Night" and we go zumba before it opens and then dance in our workout gear after, its awesome) I just don't care what I look like anymore. Know what? It's really freakin' awesome to not give two you-know-whats what I look like while dancing. I'm happily married so the idea that "what if a cute guy sees me?! I need to look cute!" is out the window. I have a super cute guy locked in at home! No need to impress anyone. It;s the best feeling ever. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop caring so much what other people will think and just be me and be fun and dance like a crazy fool because its awesome and fun.
I used to be cool. Now I drive a van and do the sprinkler in the dance club. I don't care. There is something so empowering in being a mom because you don't take those moments of "cool" for granted. My days of heels and tight dresses while dancing with my friends are over. But the days of baby cuddles, sweet little "I love you's," having the absolute best man (and cutest ever) as a husband, and seeking are over. The days of seeking for the right group, the right man, the right song, the right job are all over. The wild card is over. I would lie if I said there were days I didn't think about those days and miss them, but I honestly couldn't do it anymore! I mean, staying up until 11:30 to finish a cliff-hanger episode of my favorite TV series on Netflix, or being excited for our "Debate Night" Party are much different things than I would have been excited for on the weekends five years ago. But this is my life, and dang it College Courtney you were so wrong. You were so young and wild and fun. But that chapter is over, and this one is so, so, so special to me. I found the best person to share it with, and the two best little people to have with me everyday. And, when I feel like getting wild and crazy, my son and I play just dance. Watching him dance is a lot like watching a drunk college guy dance. He;s got some mad moves, man.
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