Babies are Super Cute! Because They're Gross.

Most of my posts contain the antics and everyday life of a mom with a toddler.  Because, let's face it.  We all know that he rules the roost, even though we tell ourselves we are in control.  But, I also am the mother of the most beautiful (I'm completely biased), happiest, sweetest little baby girl in the whole world.  She is so sweetly adorable it makes my heart melt, but she is also completely gross.  Let's be real.  Babies have to be cute because 99% of what they do includes bodily fluids and it's just plain nasty.

I am a firm believer that all babies are cute.  Every single tiny, lovable, innocent, sweet bundle of joy across the globe is just as cute as can be.  They are also equally as gross across the board.  If there is anything I have learned in my time as a mom, it's that you get pretty used to what comes out of your child.  Because it happens all.day.long., especially if there is an infant involved.

When we took our Welcome to Parenthood! class, we were given the impression that baby feces (poop) has no smell until the child begins eating foods.  Lies.  This information is so false I think the instructor put it in there for shits and giggles (did you see what I did there?).  Baby poop, is in fact, the second worst smelling thing on the planet.  It rivals a bacterial infection of the gut of cattle known as purple gut, and follows my husband's gas in the line of worst scents imaginable.  How does such a sweet, innocent, small person produce such masses of the worst smelling substance on the planet?!  If the poop isn't enough, it seems that she always must have a bowel movement in a public setting.  And let me be the first to tell you, this girl is GASSY.  So much so that when she passed gas loudly in Walmart, the older woman in front of us in line embarrassingly nudged her husband and told him to "go do that in the bathroom!"  Sorry that my daughter farts like an older man and got you in trouble, sir...

If the poop wasn't enough, I swear she chooses to pee the minute the diaper is off.  It's like she feels a fresh breeze and has to let the flood gates open.  This isn't too bad, because after the pee showers from our son, we have gotten pretty good and the fast diaper change. When this becomes a problem is during a late night, dark diaper change.  That's right.  She has soaked my side of the bed in baby pee more nights than I can count during a dimly lit diaper change.  Since waking my husband is like waking a hibernating bear from a deep slumber, I just go back to bed on my damp, baby fluid soaked sheets and deal with it in the morning.  I am a champ at changing bed sheets these days!

That's about everything babies can do in the diaper that is pretty nasty.  By now, I have gotten used to the fact that, at some point, you may have diaper remains on your hands after a change and that it can get pretty dirty most days.  But, then there's the spit-up.

Don't let the cutesy term fool you; this is puke.  And babies puke all day everyday for a LONG time.  Sometimes we have the burp rag at the ready for the typical after feeding spit-ups, but refluxy babies, which both of mine have been, tend to throw up at any given moment.  Especially if: 1) you are wearing black, 2) you have some place to be, and/or 3) you are at an establishment that serves food.  The third one seems to be when she decides to REALLY give it her all.  It has to be a health code violation.  Do you know what kind of looks they give you when you go to the counter of the coffee shop and ask "can I have some paper towels? My daughter just left half her lunch on the floor."  Don't worry, all.  It's normal.  It's gross.  It's babies.

If you are a mom like me, you can fully relate to all of these disgusting things that our cute babies do. If you're a mom-to-be or are considering babies in your future, I encourage you to attend a college drinking party and take care of all the sick people while completely sober.  Then, know that its on a smaller scale for a cuter person when it's a baby!

We won't even talk about the multitude of gross that happens to get those cute little blessings into this world.