If there is one thing I would consider myself seasoned at as a mother, it's traveling. As a military family, I have made international trips with my son just the two of us, we have moved internationally with him and while I was pregnant with our daughter (we just didn't know it yet), have been on many 10+ hour car trips in Europe and in the States, and have packed, and packed, and packed again for little people ages five months to three years. So, as we were preparing to go to Wyoming to visit family for the holidays, I thought I had it in the bag when it comes to traveling with kids. I mean, I did a plane ride from Germany to the US with a 5 mo. old baby and back again with a 9 mo. old baby, what can't I handle (in the traveling realm). I know what you're thinking; "how does she do it?!" Well, here are my five easy steps for traveling with small people under the age of four.
1. Pack Enough Diapers to Last Through a Nuclear Holocaust.
Then pack 1 more bag just in case. Because it never fails. It seems like my kids mess/wet their pants exponentially more when traveling in the car than any other time. I guess it's good to know they are staying hydrated, but seriously! I rolled into the driveway of my parents house with 1 fresh diaper to spare, praying my daughter wasn't considering making a #2 for a couple hours. She obliged, thank God.
2. Pack Ample Snacks
This way, your toddler can decide he hates everything in the snack bag so he can frequent convenience stores along the route to buy more foods he is going to hate upon opening the packages. Apparently gummy bears and granola bars and goldfish crackers obtain an unbearable taste when riding in the car. So do mini doughnuts, fruit snacks, and cheese sticks. All of these items will become inedible once the car starts and the only thing that is fit for human consumption are suckers. Thanks to grandpa, suckers happened.
3. Choose your Restaurants Wisely!
Kids need some time out of the car on long trips regardless of their age. However, this doesn't mean that I want to spend 19 hours in a McDonald's Play Place. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful for the McDonald's Play Places, especially those with wifi, as a great indoor alternative to the park or if I must get some work done in a safe environment like our local McDonald's. When driving, this is the worst possible option. We avoid anything with a play place like the plague. However, there are still some awesome options for kids to eat! Places with quick service and a kids menu are always a hit. Really, any place that serves fries and chocolate milk in a timely manner and has a happy hour (when I have a co-pilot) is good by me. I highly recommend Applebee's and Waffle House for kids dining options on the road.
4. A Fun Activity Bag
Have your child pack the special activity bag with toys, books, etc to do in the car so he can beg to play a game on the Kindle Fire or your cell phone the whole time. I let him play on the Kindle to keep both of our sanity, and asking him to just "check out the scenary" for 12 hours in one day is a lot to ask of a three year old. But, we still choose to limit the time he uses these electronics so he doesn't turn into a little demon tablet addict. So, I give the device about 10% and then when it "runned out of batteries" that's the time when we stop and mom plugs it in to charge up to another 10%. It's been an easy and usually fit-free method in my experience thus far. Oh, that bag of cars, books, tractors, and other toys? It's still zipped shut in his temporary bedroom as we visit family. This bag is a perfect way to take up the last 4 inches of trunk space in the vehicle to make sure you are really getting your space worth out of that car!
5. Download Expedia and Hotels.com
Do this so that next time you can say screw it to the road trip and just fly there. However, on the road these apps come in handy to book a hotel along the route! The last thing I want to do when the little people are just done being in the car is drive around looking for a hotel with vacancy. Booking on these sites is quick and easy and can be done in route (not while driving, of course!). Anything that saves me some time, saves my kids some tears, and makes our hotel stay experience less like we are going to get mugged and more like we are super fancy patrons is something I will do! But seriously. Next time, just fly.
Road tripping is one of those things we all want to do in our college and younger years. If you do it then, awesome! Let me just say if you wait to do your road tripping until you have children be prepared for things like poop, spilled candy, begging to stop at truck stops, asking "are we there yet?", complaining about the music (although, I can't blame him, my co-pilot's choice of station, Willy's Roadhouse, isn't exactly the most hip station on Sirius), and stopping much more frequently than without children will happen with small ones along. I am lucky in that my little people are actually very good travelers. Part of the perks of a military family is that you do travel often whether it is to move or visit family far away, and everything is far away from Wyoming, so they have started their road tripping at a young age. My best advice? Take it in stride and don't sweat the small stuff! Do what makes the trip easiest on you, even if it means your toddler eats blow pops for lunch.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Real Life as a Veteran's Wife
Tomorrow, Friday November 11, 2016 is Veteran's Day. Before I was married, I looked forward to all of the Veteran's Day sales to build my winter wardrobe! It was a day for an assembly where I was thankful for my grandpa's service to our country. I always thought my grandpa's service in WWII would be the extent of my military experience.
Life is different now.
In 2012, I met the funniest, sweetest, hardest working, most amazing man in the world. We met at his family branding as we were invited since my dad had just employed his uncle. So, we went to ride and brand calves and that would be that. I never thought that my life would change forever from that day forward, but it did in the best of ways. After we began talking, I learned that that guy who had caught my eye during the branding was a staff sergeant in in the United States army. We got married in December of 2012 and we have been on this wonderful ride every since!
But sometimes there is darkness. People who don't know often glorify the veteran's wife. People think my life is similar to the hit TV show "Army Wives." It isn't. I mean base housing is definitely not mansions, guys. It is not glamorous. The truth is, it can be very hard. The scars left on the hearts of combat veterans cut deep.
My husband is a combat engineer. He has experienced loss in ways I cannot even begin to fathom. Sometimes I am sad and frustrated I was not there during the times of deployment. He has fought for our beautiful country in the Middle East multiple times and he has come home every time. He has overcome so many things that I can't even imagine or begin to imagine. Sometimes it's hard that I wasn't there. Sometimes I wish I had been there for him. Sometimes I wish our paths had crossed sooner. Then, sometimes I don't.
There are demons for those who experience war. I have never experienced anything even remotely close to the things my husband has, and for that, it is undisputed that he is the strongest person I know. I was not there then. I was not there when he left or when he came home. Ok, so I was in middle and high school, but time like is irrelevant. The fact is, I can't change that. But, I am here now. I am here for the bad dreams and the bad days. I have learned what days are going to be harder than others. I know the dates. I don't know the stories and I don't need to. What I need to be is here and supportive and I pray everyday that I am enough of a rock and support system for him.
Have you ever looked up the rates of suicide in veterans? It's mind blowing. In the military world, it's a dark shadow that's all around us. Not that my husband is suicidal, but when it is all around you, it can be a real worry on those down days. The days that the nightmares are real, the days that the memories come flooding in. The days that I just want to hold him close, but I know he needs his space. Those are the days that are hard because I wasn't there. I don't know the stories. I don't know what happened. I don't know the friends and brothers who stood beside him. I know snippets. I know what he feels comfortable sharing and that is all I want to know.
There's a lot of wives out there like me. Whether your husband is still active duty or a veteran when you met, you know how it feels. You know what it;s like to come after the darkness. You about the dreams and the sadness. The loss and the emotions we see our husbands experience periodically. I know while the self I was before I was married would be shopping the sales tomorrow, the self I am now will be thanking God tomorrow that this soldier is mine. That he has always come home and for every sacrifice he has made for his country. I know someone will say a thank you to me for the sacrifices I have made, but the truth is I don't deserve it. I don't deserve nor want a thank you. I don't want praise for falling in love. I don't want praise for marrying a man in the military. I don't want praise for the sacrifices I have made because compared to his they are so minuscule. I don't want thanks for loving the person I was put on this earth to love. Thank him. Thank every person you know who has served or is serving in the armed forces. Show compassion to the wives and mothers and husbands and fathers who will never be able to hug their loved one again. But please, don't thank me. I am not worthy of being equated the same honor that my husband is so very, very worth of. Thank the soldiers we can do things like vote, like speak our minds, like own firearms, like own and operate our own businesses no matter what it may be, like live in this beautiful and free country.
Being the wife of a veteran who has seen many wars is not easy, but it is also not thankless. I see the thanks in him every single day. I see the thanks in the love he has for the children I was blessed to give him. I see the thanks in his content for home cooked meals and choice of television show. I see his thanks in clean and folded laundry. I see his thanks in the unconditional love he gives me. Thank a veteran on Veteran's Day. Shake their hand, hug them! Give them the thanks they are due. Let them know what they have provided for our country, for us, is not gone by without notice. They all deserve it.
Life is different now.
In 2012, I met the funniest, sweetest, hardest working, most amazing man in the world. We met at his family branding as we were invited since my dad had just employed his uncle. So, we went to ride and brand calves and that would be that. I never thought that my life would change forever from that day forward, but it did in the best of ways. After we began talking, I learned that that guy who had caught my eye during the branding was a staff sergeant in in the United States army. We got married in December of 2012 and we have been on this wonderful ride every since!
But sometimes there is darkness. People who don't know often glorify the veteran's wife. People think my life is similar to the hit TV show "Army Wives." It isn't. I mean base housing is definitely not mansions, guys. It is not glamorous. The truth is, it can be very hard. The scars left on the hearts of combat veterans cut deep.
My husband is a combat engineer. He has experienced loss in ways I cannot even begin to fathom. Sometimes I am sad and frustrated I was not there during the times of deployment. He has fought for our beautiful country in the Middle East multiple times and he has come home every time. He has overcome so many things that I can't even imagine or begin to imagine. Sometimes it's hard that I wasn't there. Sometimes I wish I had been there for him. Sometimes I wish our paths had crossed sooner. Then, sometimes I don't.
There are demons for those who experience war. I have never experienced anything even remotely close to the things my husband has, and for that, it is undisputed that he is the strongest person I know. I was not there then. I was not there when he left or when he came home. Ok, so I was in middle and high school, but time like is irrelevant. The fact is, I can't change that. But, I am here now. I am here for the bad dreams and the bad days. I have learned what days are going to be harder than others. I know the dates. I don't know the stories and I don't need to. What I need to be is here and supportive and I pray everyday that I am enough of a rock and support system for him.
Have you ever looked up the rates of suicide in veterans? It's mind blowing. In the military world, it's a dark shadow that's all around us. Not that my husband is suicidal, but when it is all around you, it can be a real worry on those down days. The days that the nightmares are real, the days that the memories come flooding in. The days that I just want to hold him close, but I know he needs his space. Those are the days that are hard because I wasn't there. I don't know the stories. I don't know what happened. I don't know the friends and brothers who stood beside him. I know snippets. I know what he feels comfortable sharing and that is all I want to know.
There's a lot of wives out there like me. Whether your husband is still active duty or a veteran when you met, you know how it feels. You know what it;s like to come after the darkness. You about the dreams and the sadness. The loss and the emotions we see our husbands experience periodically. I know while the self I was before I was married would be shopping the sales tomorrow, the self I am now will be thanking God tomorrow that this soldier is mine. That he has always come home and for every sacrifice he has made for his country. I know someone will say a thank you to me for the sacrifices I have made, but the truth is I don't deserve it. I don't deserve nor want a thank you. I don't want praise for falling in love. I don't want praise for marrying a man in the military. I don't want praise for the sacrifices I have made because compared to his they are so minuscule. I don't want thanks for loving the person I was put on this earth to love. Thank him. Thank every person you know who has served or is serving in the armed forces. Show compassion to the wives and mothers and husbands and fathers who will never be able to hug their loved one again. But please, don't thank me. I am not worthy of being equated the same honor that my husband is so very, very worth of. Thank the soldiers we can do things like vote, like speak our minds, like own firearms, like own and operate our own businesses no matter what it may be, like live in this beautiful and free country.
Being the wife of a veteran who has seen many wars is not easy, but it is also not thankless. I see the thanks in him every single day. I see the thanks in the love he has for the children I was blessed to give him. I see the thanks in his content for home cooked meals and choice of television show. I see his thanks in clean and folded laundry. I see his thanks in the unconditional love he gives me. Thank a veteran on Veteran's Day. Shake their hand, hug them! Give them the thanks they are due. Let them know what they have provided for our country, for us, is not gone by without notice. They all deserve it.
Friday, November 4, 2016
Jimmy Kimmel ain't got Nothin' on Me!
Lately, I have seen lots of posts of people telling their kids they ate all of their Halloween candy as instructed by Jimmy Kimmel. This is apparently something that has happened for a year or two, but it's my son's first Halloween where he actually went around and trick-or-treated. I did the honors of staying home with the baby and handing out candy to our handful of trick-or-treaters that rang our doorbell. But, telling my son I ate all of his candy would mean relatively nothing to him. First of all, he wouldn't believe me. Secondly, even if he did, he would probably just move on with life because he really doesn't like it that much.
Except Suckers.
Of ALL the candy in the world, he has to be in love with the stickiest, grossest, drooliest, biggest choking hazard candy known to man. I find countless sucker sticks all over our house. Somewhere this kid has a stash; he just has to to have this many sucker sticks. The stickiness makes him perpetually dirty and sticky. He is always drooling sticky, sucker drool. But that's not the worst. The worst is when I find a red sucker stuck to my nearly white carpet, that's the worst. So, what did I do when there were millions of suckers from the various Halloween parties, birthdays, and trunk or treats before the big night?
I filled our candy bowl with candies from other parties. That's right, the second he stepped out the door with his dad to hid the streets I filled up our candy bowl with every last piece of candy in this house. Mostly suckers. I used my son's Halloween candy as our communal Halloween candy. Know what? I am not ashamed. This did two big things for us; 1) we didn't buy a single bag of candy so we saved money and 2) less candy for the toddler. My son is not a big fan of candy anyway. Many kinds he is unable to eat and he doesn't like chocolate unless it's ice cream or a small amount of frosting on a donut (but ONLY with sprinkles). Besides, it's not like he wasn't headed out to get even more candy anyway.
The best part is he didn't even notice. He didn't even care. He had his dum-dum mystery sucker and hit the hay. I took my candy tax out of the new stuff and his dad ate anything with peanuts in it and that was that. Why did I recycle my son's Halloween candy?! What kind of mother just takes the candy from their child and gives it to other kids?! This kind, that's who. I recycled the candy because he didn't need that much. I recycled it for the kids who came to our door instead of throwing it in the trash can. I recycled it because I like to save money. As long as it was not expired or looked questionable it went right into my red bowl.
So, Sorry, Jimmy. Sorry my kid doesn't care about your challenge and sorry that "candy recycle mom" is kind of cooler than your "ha ha I ate it all! Just kidding!" I enjoy seeing the kids faces light up getting some candy at my door, and, on the off chance my son would have cared, I would have showed up on your doorstep for you to end the tantrum that was occurring. Don't worry, I am not a creeper I have no idea where you live, Jimmy. Yea, I still love your show. No, I won't tell my kiddos I ate their candy--they won't ever believe me anyway because I am a terrible liar. Yea, I'm the candy recycle mom. And I really, really, rock at it!
Saturday, October 29, 2016
The Top 5 Stresses of Planning your Child's Party
Birthday parties. On the 27th of this month, my son turned three which required a birthday party. Sure, he's had two parties previously but a first birthday party is extremely easy, and for his second we were visiting family during an international move from Germany to our current home in Missouri, so a family party was had. This was my first hoorah with a multi-toddler birthday party. We have an amazing group of friends here in Missouri, and being this far from family they really are a second family here! We have had lots of playdates with other kids, even in our house, but the birthday party brought a whole new level of stress that us newbie birthday party moms didn't understand until planning our first go at a large scale birthday party. Looking back now that the whirl wind of kids 1-4 is over in my house, here are the top five stresses I faced while planning the party:
1. Games
Birthday parties are supposed to have a game right? This is supposed to be a no brainer, right? Wrong. When your party contains little boys ages 1-4 there are so many considerations with games. Can it poke an eye out? Is it a choking hazard? Will there be punching involved while waiting turns? Can they focus? Let me just clear up a LOT. As far as games in this age group go, save your money. I had planned a pumpkin painting game where I fantasized about the toddlers sitting and creatively finger painting their little mini pumpkins they got to pick out themselves in our backyard "pumpkin patch." In reality, the kids loved picking a pumpkin (or seven), a few enjoyed the painting for a short amount of time, but running around like drunken crazies was the biggest hit of all. As well as the random stray cat that decided to crash the party. At that point, "chase the kitty" was a better entertainment option than sitting to paint a pumpkin. Live and learn. The cat is invited back next year.
2. Balloons
Little kids really effin love balloons. I had planned to get all sorts of cute little balloons so everyone could have one, and get a nice balloon arrangement for my birthday boy to set in the middle of the table. Know what really happened? I forgot. I forgot about balloons until I was showering with just over an hour until party time. Thank God my parents were here because, barely dressed (I forgot underwear in my haste), wet hair, and all I made a mad dash for Dollar Tree at 45 minutes to party time. I grabbed three random balloons from the preinflated section, without even looking to see what exact balloons I got other than ensuring they said something about a birthday. Only to have them home for two minutes before one was inevitably popped and my son exclaimed sadly "my party is ruined!"
3. Cake
Cake seems like it should be a relative no brainer. You find a baker, go to a local bakery at a grocer, or DIY a nice cake for the theme that you or you child has chosen. This is not the case when the birthday boy has sweetener sensitivities. Our son is most likely allergic to any item containing an unnatural sweetener in any form. We found this out the hard way. So, I spend time researching, reading labels, knowing what was and was not ok for him and his little tummy. Because puking all morning the day after your birthday is reserved for the day after the big 21, and he only turned three. Fondant? Not an option. Anything containing even trace amounts of Splenda? Not an option. It's actually really eye opening to look into all of this and it becomes crucial for my little guy.
4. Do we Feed Them?
Planning a meal for toddlers is hard. It's hard without the above mentioned eating considerations my son has, but when you also want to ensure toddlers eat, its even harder. So we had the staples; gluten free macaroni and cheese with a dairy free cheese sauce, lil' smokies sausages, and corn. I know what you are thinking right now. She's "that mom" that wants everything to be a popular fad way of eating right now. That is not the case. The gluten free noodles are because I am part of the global 7% with Celiacs disease and I have 0 control when it comes to delicious macaroni and cheese! The dairy free cheese was because Max has a friend who is lactose intolerant and I wanted to ensure that this little boy was included in the meal like all of his friends. The best part is that no one knew the difference! Sure, I chose a gluten free, low sugar, no artificial dyes/preservatives (I even checked the dang smokies) meal to all of the kids and guess what? They all loved it! Minus my child who decided at the last minute that he "didn't like" anything offered to him.
5. Dads?
I will just put this out there as it is. 99% of the time, dads don't really care if they are a part of the party. My husband was thanking the birthday gods that he didn't have to be amongst 10+ running, screaming, wild toddlers for a few hours. This never changes. My parents we able to come celebrate, and during the majority of the party, grandpa took a "nap" with the baby. Which worked out great because my daughter was cool with being out of the chaos with grandpa for most of the time. At first I was sad that my husband would miss out, but once the party was going I knew it was best that he did! He loves our children so unconditionally, but he may not have loved the kids who were trying to shove a movie into his beloved PS4 quite as much. Don't worry, the PS4 is safe, and for those wondering, its pretty toddler proof.
Don't get me wrong. Parties for toddlers are awesome! In all the chaos and confusion and stress there was the beautiful light that my son got exactly what he wanted for his birthday; his friends. TO the same token, I got what I needed for his birthday; my friends. It was wonderful that my parents could be there as well. Was it stressful? Without a doubt. Was it worth it? Without a doubt. Turning three was an emotional time for me! It means that I have been a mother now for over three years, considering I was pregnant for nine months prior to having my wonderful boy. I have held him everyday for three years. It's been three years since I saw that little face for the first time. My boy is, without question, no longer a baby and I love him with every part of me. The party was for him as much as it was for me. We both needed to celebrate that little boy. That little life who changed mine forever. He;s the best, guys. He is so unique even by toddler standards and I love him unconditionally, even when he does say the "F" word almost hourly.
1. Games
Birthday parties are supposed to have a game right? This is supposed to be a no brainer, right? Wrong. When your party contains little boys ages 1-4 there are so many considerations with games. Can it poke an eye out? Is it a choking hazard? Will there be punching involved while waiting turns? Can they focus? Let me just clear up a LOT. As far as games in this age group go, save your money. I had planned a pumpkin painting game where I fantasized about the toddlers sitting and creatively finger painting their little mini pumpkins they got to pick out themselves in our backyard "pumpkin patch." In reality, the kids loved picking a pumpkin (or seven), a few enjoyed the painting for a short amount of time, but running around like drunken crazies was the biggest hit of all. As well as the random stray cat that decided to crash the party. At that point, "chase the kitty" was a better entertainment option than sitting to paint a pumpkin. Live and learn. The cat is invited back next year.
2. Balloons
Little kids really effin love balloons. I had planned to get all sorts of cute little balloons so everyone could have one, and get a nice balloon arrangement for my birthday boy to set in the middle of the table. Know what really happened? I forgot. I forgot about balloons until I was showering with just over an hour until party time. Thank God my parents were here because, barely dressed (I forgot underwear in my haste), wet hair, and all I made a mad dash for Dollar Tree at 45 minutes to party time. I grabbed three random balloons from the preinflated section, without even looking to see what exact balloons I got other than ensuring they said something about a birthday. Only to have them home for two minutes before one was inevitably popped and my son exclaimed sadly "my party is ruined!"
3. Cake
Cake seems like it should be a relative no brainer. You find a baker, go to a local bakery at a grocer, or DIY a nice cake for the theme that you or you child has chosen. This is not the case when the birthday boy has sweetener sensitivities. Our son is most likely allergic to any item containing an unnatural sweetener in any form. We found this out the hard way. So, I spend time researching, reading labels, knowing what was and was not ok for him and his little tummy. Because puking all morning the day after your birthday is reserved for the day after the big 21, and he only turned three. Fondant? Not an option. Anything containing even trace amounts of Splenda? Not an option. It's actually really eye opening to look into all of this and it becomes crucial for my little guy.
4. Do we Feed Them?
Planning a meal for toddlers is hard. It's hard without the above mentioned eating considerations my son has, but when you also want to ensure toddlers eat, its even harder. So we had the staples; gluten free macaroni and cheese with a dairy free cheese sauce, lil' smokies sausages, and corn. I know what you are thinking right now. She's "that mom" that wants everything to be a popular fad way of eating right now. That is not the case. The gluten free noodles are because I am part of the global 7% with Celiacs disease and I have 0 control when it comes to delicious macaroni and cheese! The dairy free cheese was because Max has a friend who is lactose intolerant and I wanted to ensure that this little boy was included in the meal like all of his friends. The best part is that no one knew the difference! Sure, I chose a gluten free, low sugar, no artificial dyes/preservatives (I even checked the dang smokies) meal to all of the kids and guess what? They all loved it! Minus my child who decided at the last minute that he "didn't like" anything offered to him.
5. Dads?
I will just put this out there as it is. 99% of the time, dads don't really care if they are a part of the party. My husband was thanking the birthday gods that he didn't have to be amongst 10+ running, screaming, wild toddlers for a few hours. This never changes. My parents we able to come celebrate, and during the majority of the party, grandpa took a "nap" with the baby. Which worked out great because my daughter was cool with being out of the chaos with grandpa for most of the time. At first I was sad that my husband would miss out, but once the party was going I knew it was best that he did! He loves our children so unconditionally, but he may not have loved the kids who were trying to shove a movie into his beloved PS4 quite as much. Don't worry, the PS4 is safe, and for those wondering, its pretty toddler proof.
Don't get me wrong. Parties for toddlers are awesome! In all the chaos and confusion and stress there was the beautiful light that my son got exactly what he wanted for his birthday; his friends. TO the same token, I got what I needed for his birthday; my friends. It was wonderful that my parents could be there as well. Was it stressful? Without a doubt. Was it worth it? Without a doubt. Turning three was an emotional time for me! It means that I have been a mother now for over three years, considering I was pregnant for nine months prior to having my wonderful boy. I have held him everyday for three years. It's been three years since I saw that little face for the first time. My boy is, without question, no longer a baby and I love him with every part of me. The party was for him as much as it was for me. We both needed to celebrate that little boy. That little life who changed mine forever. He;s the best, guys. He is so unique even by toddler standards and I love him unconditionally, even when he does say the "F" word almost hourly.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
"Oh! When are you due?!" uhmmm...NEVER.
It happened. Someone asked me when I am due. This has never happened to me before. But, it happened. I can join the ranks of all the moms who have had to say "nope, just fat thanks!" But honestly, surprisingly really, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
Let me back track a second and set the scene. So we took our son to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and while having fun, we happened to run into a woman my husband used to work with at a previous duty station. This was back when we were in our long-distance relationship, so she had not met me before and knew my husband as that grumpy bachelor who just really liked his beer (the man I fell madly in love with). She was visiting with us, and said "I can't imagine you with three children!" while making the "bump" gesture. It was very nice and cute and friendly, but there is one problem; I'm not pregnant.
Since the birth of my son I have struggled with weight issues. I gained WAY too much during my first pregnancy thanks to all of the delicious pastries that Germany has to offer. So, this is a scenario I have been mortified about since his birth nearly three years ago. I figured that if this ever happened I would cry. I would have some snarky, bitchy comeback. I would just walk away in shame. None of that happened. It's probably due to maturity, but when you are in the situation you realize some things. The biggest thing is that people really want to be happy for pregnant women, and they really aren't trying to hurt feelings.
I laughed. My husband just said "no... do you think my wife is just fat?" She was so mortified. I actually felt worse for her than me. After she apologized and I assured her it was no biggie, I thought about the encounter. Do I look pregnant? Am I "fat?" It took me aback for sure, but you know what it didn't do? It didn't hurt my feelings. It surprisingly didn't hurt my feelings! You know why? Because she didn't know.
She didn't know that I have struggled with no longer being a size 5. She didn't know my baby is only barely 4 months old. She didn't know I had issues gaining a healthy amount with my daughter because I was afraid to gain too much. She is newly pregnant herself, so was not aware that some moms just carry their weight in an awkward place (this would be me!). She didn't know that I have worked my butt off to loose 22 lbs since the birth of my daughter in June. Most importantly she wasn't out to hurt me. Truth is, she probably really wanted another woman who she felt that she could connect with on pregnancy.
I just remind myself of the goals I have and the ones I have met. Guess what? Instead of letting it get to me, I just am proud. I'm proud of the mom body I have because it was able to grow and house two healthy, beautiful babies. It means I was able to carry children, which is something many women are not able to do. It will keep my on track with my body goals. Will I be a size 5 again? Realistically no. Will I get rid of the baby pooch? Realistically, in time. I mean, my daughter is 4 months old! I am shocked with the results I have seen so far (Zumba is no joke, guys).
Just don't let the "when are you dues" or "how far alongs" or "you look great pregnant!s" get to you. I like to believe that 99% of the population really wants to compliment the pregnant form and help women feel confident. Don't let it stop your goals, don't let it get to you, don't let it take away from every change your body has endured while making, having, and after children. Women's bodies do some pretty amazing (and pretty freakin gross) stuff! Be thankful to be a mom and to have beautiful children to show for it. If you have a little extra and you are trying to get rid of it like me, remind yourself you will get there! Just keep working. It's just one person. It's just one person's view. Remember, we all look chubby when we accidentally have our phone on selfie mode.
Let me back track a second and set the scene. So we took our son to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and while having fun, we happened to run into a woman my husband used to work with at a previous duty station. This was back when we were in our long-distance relationship, so she had not met me before and knew my husband as that grumpy bachelor who just really liked his beer (the man I fell madly in love with). She was visiting with us, and said "I can't imagine you with three children!" while making the "bump" gesture. It was very nice and cute and friendly, but there is one problem; I'm not pregnant.
Since the birth of my son I have struggled with weight issues. I gained WAY too much during my first pregnancy thanks to all of the delicious pastries that Germany has to offer. So, this is a scenario I have been mortified about since his birth nearly three years ago. I figured that if this ever happened I would cry. I would have some snarky, bitchy comeback. I would just walk away in shame. None of that happened. It's probably due to maturity, but when you are in the situation you realize some things. The biggest thing is that people really want to be happy for pregnant women, and they really aren't trying to hurt feelings.
I laughed. My husband just said "no... do you think my wife is just fat?" She was so mortified. I actually felt worse for her than me. After she apologized and I assured her it was no biggie, I thought about the encounter. Do I look pregnant? Am I "fat?" It took me aback for sure, but you know what it didn't do? It didn't hurt my feelings. It surprisingly didn't hurt my feelings! You know why? Because she didn't know.
She didn't know that I have struggled with no longer being a size 5. She didn't know my baby is only barely 4 months old. She didn't know I had issues gaining a healthy amount with my daughter because I was afraid to gain too much. She is newly pregnant herself, so was not aware that some moms just carry their weight in an awkward place (this would be me!). She didn't know that I have worked my butt off to loose 22 lbs since the birth of my daughter in June. Most importantly she wasn't out to hurt me. Truth is, she probably really wanted another woman who she felt that she could connect with on pregnancy.
I just remind myself of the goals I have and the ones I have met. Guess what? Instead of letting it get to me, I just am proud. I'm proud of the mom body I have because it was able to grow and house two healthy, beautiful babies. It means I was able to carry children, which is something many women are not able to do. It will keep my on track with my body goals. Will I be a size 5 again? Realistically no. Will I get rid of the baby pooch? Realistically, in time. I mean, my daughter is 4 months old! I am shocked with the results I have seen so far (Zumba is no joke, guys).
Just don't let the "when are you dues" or "how far alongs" or "you look great pregnant!s" get to you. I like to believe that 99% of the population really wants to compliment the pregnant form and help women feel confident. Don't let it stop your goals, don't let it get to you, don't let it take away from every change your body has endured while making, having, and after children. Women's bodies do some pretty amazing (and pretty freakin gross) stuff! Be thankful to be a mom and to have beautiful children to show for it. If you have a little extra and you are trying to get rid of it like me, remind yourself you will get there! Just keep working. It's just one person. It's just one person's view. Remember, we all look chubby when we accidentally have our phone on selfie mode.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Five Things I Would Rather do than Wait with my Kids
Every time I have to go somewhere where I know there will be a lengthy wait, I absolutely dread having to take my children. The pharmacy, the DMV, the clinic...even a moderately slow restaurant can become a nightmare quickly with a toddler and an infant. There are very few things I would take waiting anywhere non-child oriented over on any given day. I get it, he is three and she is four months; I don't expect them to have an adult level attention span. But is it too much to ask that my son not like the window to the barber shop as we are waiting in the pharmacy waiting area? Or that the baby refrain from having a poop-splosion the minute our number is called at the DMV? So, on days like today when my son is going wild and my daughter is screaming 99.9% of our wait time to pick up a prescription they only had enough to fill half way (after we waited for nearly three hours, welcome to the army) I can think of at least five things that sound so much more appealing than sitting "quietly" (ha ha ha) in a waiting area with them:
1. Dusting
I really, really, really despise dusting. But I would dust the entirety of all the collections at the Smithsonian Museum any day over a waiting room with my kids.
2. Milk a Fish
Fish don't produce milk, so you can about imagine what substance is being collected here. Fun fact: in college I actually got to do this at a fish hatchery during one of my range management wildlife management classes. It's a lot more satisfying than a waiting room with toddlers that's for sure.
3. Pregnancy Test Cattle
Can you tell I am a former farm/ranch animal science/agricultural business major? Another thing I have done that is not that pleasant, but there are days it at very least rivals a waiting room with children. It's a hands on job; let's just say EPT doesn't make a 3 minute test for cattle.
4. Fighting a Rabid Skunk
Admittedly, trying to change my daughter today in the bathroom near our waiting room felt this way. She is teething and upset (can't blame her) and needed a messy diaper removed ASAP. She also hates the baby wipe on her lady area (again, can't blame her) so between the screams of teething and the screams of baby wipe on the privates, I am pretty surprised no one called Child Protective Services.
5. Comfort a Crying Drunk
I am not good at this. I have no idea what to do when a drunk person starts crying because I usually can't make any sense about what they are crying about. My answer has usually been to just leave that scene! However, given the choice between comforting a crying drunk and keeping my son quiet at the DMV, I would take 500 hysterically crying drunks any day.
I love my children with all of my heart, but I just wish there was a better way to do things like the pharmacy or the DMV than waiting for hours on end. Being around my kids makes my day everyday, but it seems like we always have to do something involving a huge wait time on their worst days. Kindergarten. Kindergarten will be my time when I can do these things without fighting tears and ignoring condescending stares from the childless people in the room. Let me just say, thank God for the grandmas and grandpas. Because they love children in a special way that only grandparents can, no matter if the child is their grandchild or not. So, man who read the "Engineer" Magazine with my son today as I comforted my fussy baby, thank you for making the experience a little more bearable.
1. Dusting
I really, really, really despise dusting. But I would dust the entirety of all the collections at the Smithsonian Museum any day over a waiting room with my kids.
2. Milk a Fish
Fish don't produce milk, so you can about imagine what substance is being collected here. Fun fact: in college I actually got to do this at a fish hatchery during one of my range management wildlife management classes. It's a lot more satisfying than a waiting room with toddlers that's for sure.
3. Pregnancy Test Cattle
Can you tell I am a former farm/ranch animal science/agricultural business major? Another thing I have done that is not that pleasant, but there are days it at very least rivals a waiting room with children. It's a hands on job; let's just say EPT doesn't make a 3 minute test for cattle.
4. Fighting a Rabid Skunk
Admittedly, trying to change my daughter today in the bathroom near our waiting room felt this way. She is teething and upset (can't blame her) and needed a messy diaper removed ASAP. She also hates the baby wipe on her lady area (again, can't blame her) so between the screams of teething and the screams of baby wipe on the privates, I am pretty surprised no one called Child Protective Services.
5. Comfort a Crying Drunk
I am not good at this. I have no idea what to do when a drunk person starts crying because I usually can't make any sense about what they are crying about. My answer has usually been to just leave that scene! However, given the choice between comforting a crying drunk and keeping my son quiet at the DMV, I would take 500 hysterically crying drunks any day.
I love my children with all of my heart, but I just wish there was a better way to do things like the pharmacy or the DMV than waiting for hours on end. Being around my kids makes my day everyday, but it seems like we always have to do something involving a huge wait time on their worst days. Kindergarten. Kindergarten will be my time when I can do these things without fighting tears and ignoring condescending stares from the childless people in the room. Let me just say, thank God for the grandmas and grandpas. Because they love children in a special way that only grandparents can, no matter if the child is their grandchild or not. So, man who read the "Engineer" Magazine with my son today as I comforted my fussy baby, thank you for making the experience a little more bearable.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
"You Bought a VAN?!" and Other Things my College Self Would Laugh at Now.
There was a time when I was cool. There was a time when I could stay up until the wee hours of the morning with my friends having fun. There was a time when I would have looked at me now and thought I was so uncool now. I made so many statements about the things I would never do in my life when I was too young to know anything different from the life I was living. We all say weird stuff in college. We all are discovering ourselves and in the process assume we will be these fun, untouchable, awesome people indefinitely. Then life happens. Looking back, there are at least five things college Courtney would totally laugh at mom Courtney for!
1. "You Bought a Mini Van?!"
My college roommate and I quite literally vowed we would never, ever, under any circumstance drive (much less actually purchase) a van of any type. Guess what? A husband and two kids later, we are the proud owners of a Dodge Grand Caravan. Know what? I absolutely LOVE my van! The space is amazing. It has Sirius radio so I can listen to the cool, hip music in my mom van. The doors slide which means I don't run the risk of scratching the car of the jerk who parked entirely too close to a car with carseats on both sides. I have so much space for Sam's Club and Target purchases. I have bucket seats. Is it as sporty and cool as the Dodge Dakota or Chevy Avalanche I drove in college? Probably not at all. Is it roomier and more practical? Absolutely. Plus, it has stow and go. I'm in heaven. Sorry, Rachel, I broke our oathe! But this van is love.
2. "You Wear Leggings?!"
Yes, college self. I wear leggings. Know what else? I. LOVE. THEM. Leggings, paired with the proper shirt, are totally pants. I love my LuLaRoe, ok. I love the comfort, ease, and support. I love the look. Sure I still love a good pair of jeans, but jeans just don't offer the mobility. You know what doesn't happen in a good pair of leggings? Crack. I have yet to have my butt crack hang out while feeding a baby or bending over while running after a crazy toddler. That is so awesome. To the leggings designers out there, you guys rock. Thank you for saving me from the public humiliation that is my husband (loudly) pointing out that he can see my butt crack in public.
3. "You Own GRANNY PANTIES?!?!"
Yes ok. Yes. All moms own Hanes underwear. Because the only thing less cute than a butt crack while sitting in public to feed a baby is a thong hanging out above that butt crack. It's not the early 90s. That's not a thing, and that should never have been a thing, but there was a time when it was "stylish." I used to have cute underwear. I used to actually care what they looked like. Now, I just want coverage. I want something to hold my mom belly in because anything I can buy to hid the excess chub from baby fat is worth it to me. This is also how I know my husband is a virtual saint. Because Haines briefs are probably the farthest thing from sexy lingerie there is on this Earth, but he still loves me. He rocks for real, or maybe he just pretends I still wear cute undergarments. Either way, the mom undies aren't going anywhere.
4. "You Left the House without Makeup?!"
Yes, I sure did. You know what else, College Courtney? Mom Courtney went to Walmart without makeup on, she does it regularly, and she doesn't care! Sure, I still absolutely love makeup. I love playing with and putting on my makeup, but I just don't always have the time or the want to do it. There's actually something really positive in being comfortable enough in my own skin to leave the house with nothing on, because there was a time that I would have mentally not been able to do so. I mean, when we first got married, I would put on makeup before my husband got home, even if I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt all day! I still love makeup and I still have lots of it! But it is no longer needed in order for me to go grab chocolate milk or pay our rent bill.
5. "You Dance Like a Loser."
I do. I don't care. It's really, really awesome. Yes, my dance moves are not as "cool" as they once were. They are a little more nerd, a lot less cute, and a lot less butt movement. Mostly because I have a lot more areas I would rather did NOT shake at this point that I stick to classics like the lawn mower and shopping cart every chance I get. I am, however, getting to be pretty awesome at Zumba if I don't say so myself. Well, awesome compared to when I started! On the occasion that I do go out dancing with my friends (this happens when we have "Zumba at the Club Night" and we go zumba before it opens and then dance in our workout gear after, its awesome) I just don't care what I look like anymore. Know what? It's really freakin' awesome to not give two you-know-whats what I look like while dancing. I'm happily married so the idea that "what if a cute guy sees me?! I need to look cute!" is out the window. I have a super cute guy locked in at home! No need to impress anyone. It;s the best feeling ever. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop caring so much what other people will think and just be me and be fun and dance like a crazy fool because its awesome and fun.
I used to be cool. Now I drive a van and do the sprinkler in the dance club. I don't care. There is something so empowering in being a mom because you don't take those moments of "cool" for granted. My days of heels and tight dresses while dancing with my friends are over. But the days of baby cuddles, sweet little "I love you's," having the absolute best man (and cutest ever) as a husband, and seeking are over. The days of seeking for the right group, the right man, the right song, the right job are all over. The wild card is over. I would lie if I said there were days I didn't think about those days and miss them, but I honestly couldn't do it anymore! I mean, staying up until 11:30 to finish a cliff-hanger episode of my favorite TV series on Netflix, or being excited for our "Debate Night" Party are much different things than I would have been excited for on the weekends five years ago. But this is my life, and dang it College Courtney you were so wrong. You were so young and wild and fun. But that chapter is over, and this one is so, so, so special to me. I found the best person to share it with, and the two best little people to have with me everyday. And, when I feel like getting wild and crazy, my son and I play just dance. Watching him dance is a lot like watching a drunk college guy dance. He;s got some mad moves, man.
1. "You Bought a Mini Van?!"
My college roommate and I quite literally vowed we would never, ever, under any circumstance drive (much less actually purchase) a van of any type. Guess what? A husband and two kids later, we are the proud owners of a Dodge Grand Caravan. Know what? I absolutely LOVE my van! The space is amazing. It has Sirius radio so I can listen to the cool, hip music in my mom van. The doors slide which means I don't run the risk of scratching the car of the jerk who parked entirely too close to a car with carseats on both sides. I have so much space for Sam's Club and Target purchases. I have bucket seats. Is it as sporty and cool as the Dodge Dakota or Chevy Avalanche I drove in college? Probably not at all. Is it roomier and more practical? Absolutely. Plus, it has stow and go. I'm in heaven. Sorry, Rachel, I broke our oathe! But this van is love.
2. "You Wear Leggings?!"
Yes, college self. I wear leggings. Know what else? I. LOVE. THEM. Leggings, paired with the proper shirt, are totally pants. I love my LuLaRoe, ok. I love the comfort, ease, and support. I love the look. Sure I still love a good pair of jeans, but jeans just don't offer the mobility. You know what doesn't happen in a good pair of leggings? Crack. I have yet to have my butt crack hang out while feeding a baby or bending over while running after a crazy toddler. That is so awesome. To the leggings designers out there, you guys rock. Thank you for saving me from the public humiliation that is my husband (loudly) pointing out that he can see my butt crack in public.
3. "You Own GRANNY PANTIES?!?!"
Yes ok. Yes. All moms own Hanes underwear. Because the only thing less cute than a butt crack while sitting in public to feed a baby is a thong hanging out above that butt crack. It's not the early 90s. That's not a thing, and that should never have been a thing, but there was a time when it was "stylish." I used to have cute underwear. I used to actually care what they looked like. Now, I just want coverage. I want something to hold my mom belly in because anything I can buy to hid the excess chub from baby fat is worth it to me. This is also how I know my husband is a virtual saint. Because Haines briefs are probably the farthest thing from sexy lingerie there is on this Earth, but he still loves me. He rocks for real, or maybe he just pretends I still wear cute undergarments. Either way, the mom undies aren't going anywhere.
4. "You Left the House without Makeup?!"
Yes, I sure did. You know what else, College Courtney? Mom Courtney went to Walmart without makeup on, she does it regularly, and she doesn't care! Sure, I still absolutely love makeup. I love playing with and putting on my makeup, but I just don't always have the time or the want to do it. There's actually something really positive in being comfortable enough in my own skin to leave the house with nothing on, because there was a time that I would have mentally not been able to do so. I mean, when we first got married, I would put on makeup before my husband got home, even if I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt all day! I still love makeup and I still have lots of it! But it is no longer needed in order for me to go grab chocolate milk or pay our rent bill.
5. "You Dance Like a Loser."
I do. I don't care. It's really, really awesome. Yes, my dance moves are not as "cool" as they once were. They are a little more nerd, a lot less cute, and a lot less butt movement. Mostly because I have a lot more areas I would rather did NOT shake at this point that I stick to classics like the lawn mower and shopping cart every chance I get. I am, however, getting to be pretty awesome at Zumba if I don't say so myself. Well, awesome compared to when I started! On the occasion that I do go out dancing with my friends (this happens when we have "Zumba at the Club Night" and we go zumba before it opens and then dance in our workout gear after, its awesome) I just don't care what I look like anymore. Know what? It's really freakin' awesome to not give two you-know-whats what I look like while dancing. I'm happily married so the idea that "what if a cute guy sees me?! I need to look cute!" is out the window. I have a super cute guy locked in at home! No need to impress anyone. It;s the best feeling ever. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop caring so much what other people will think and just be me and be fun and dance like a crazy fool because its awesome and fun.
I used to be cool. Now I drive a van and do the sprinkler in the dance club. I don't care. There is something so empowering in being a mom because you don't take those moments of "cool" for granted. My days of heels and tight dresses while dancing with my friends are over. But the days of baby cuddles, sweet little "I love you's," having the absolute best man (and cutest ever) as a husband, and seeking are over. The days of seeking for the right group, the right man, the right song, the right job are all over. The wild card is over. I would lie if I said there were days I didn't think about those days and miss them, but I honestly couldn't do it anymore! I mean, staying up until 11:30 to finish a cliff-hanger episode of my favorite TV series on Netflix, or being excited for our "Debate Night" Party are much different things than I would have been excited for on the weekends five years ago. But this is my life, and dang it College Courtney you were so wrong. You were so young and wild and fun. But that chapter is over, and this one is so, so, so special to me. I found the best person to share it with, and the two best little people to have with me everyday. And, when I feel like getting wild and crazy, my son and I play just dance. Watching him dance is a lot like watching a drunk college guy dance. He;s got some mad moves, man.
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