Tomorrow, Friday November 11, 2016 is Veteran's Day. Before I was married, I looked forward to all of the Veteran's Day sales to build my winter wardrobe! It was a day for an assembly where I was thankful for my grandpa's service to our country. I always thought my grandpa's service in WWII would be the extent of my military experience.
Life is different now.
In 2012, I met the funniest, sweetest, hardest working, most amazing man in the world. We met at his family branding as we were invited since my dad had just employed his uncle. So, we went to ride and brand calves and that would be that. I never thought that my life would change forever from that day forward, but it did in the best of ways. After we began talking, I learned that that guy who had caught my eye during the branding was a staff sergeant in in the United States army. We got married in December of 2012 and we have been on this wonderful ride every since!
But sometimes there is darkness. People who don't know often glorify the veteran's wife. People think my life is similar to the hit TV show "Army Wives." It isn't. I mean base housing is definitely not mansions, guys. It is not glamorous. The truth is, it can be very hard. The scars left on the hearts of combat veterans cut deep.
My husband is a combat engineer. He has experienced loss in ways I cannot even begin to fathom. Sometimes I am sad and frustrated I was not there during the times of deployment. He has fought for our beautiful country in the Middle East multiple times and he has come home every time. He has overcome so many things that I can't even imagine or begin to imagine. Sometimes it's hard that I wasn't there. Sometimes I wish I had been there for him. Sometimes I wish our paths had crossed sooner. Then, sometimes I don't.
There are demons for those who experience war. I have never experienced anything even remotely close to the things my husband has, and for that, it is undisputed that he is the strongest person I know. I was not there then. I was not there when he left or when he came home. Ok, so I was in middle and high school, but time like is irrelevant. The fact is, I can't change that. But, I am here now. I am here for the bad dreams and the bad days. I have learned what days are going to be harder than others. I know the dates. I don't know the stories and I don't need to. What I need to be is here and supportive and I pray everyday that I am enough of a rock and support system for him.
Have you ever looked up the rates of suicide in veterans? It's mind blowing. In the military world, it's a dark shadow that's all around us. Not that my husband is suicidal, but when it is all around you, it can be a real worry on those down days. The days that the nightmares are real, the days that the memories come flooding in. The days that I just want to hold him close, but I know he needs his space. Those are the days that are hard because I wasn't there. I don't know the stories. I don't know what happened. I don't know the friends and brothers who stood beside him. I know snippets. I know what he feels comfortable sharing and that is all I want to know.
There's a lot of wives out there like me. Whether your husband is still active duty or a veteran when you met, you know how it feels. You know what it;s like to come after the darkness. You about the dreams and the sadness. The loss and the emotions we see our husbands experience periodically. I know while the self I was before I was married would be shopping the sales tomorrow, the self I am now will be thanking God tomorrow that this soldier is mine. That he has always come home and for every sacrifice he has made for his country. I know someone will say a thank you to me for the sacrifices I have made, but the truth is I don't deserve it. I don't deserve nor want a thank you. I don't want praise for falling in love. I don't want praise for marrying a man in the military. I don't want praise for the sacrifices I have made because compared to his they are so minuscule. I don't want thanks for loving the person I was put on this earth to love. Thank him. Thank every person you know who has served or is serving in the armed forces. Show compassion to the wives and mothers and husbands and fathers who will never be able to hug their loved one again. But please, don't thank me. I am not worthy of being equated the same honor that my husband is so very, very worth of. Thank the soldiers we can do things like vote, like speak our minds, like own firearms, like own and operate our own businesses no matter what it may be, like live in this beautiful and free country.
Being the wife of a veteran who has seen many wars is not easy, but it is also not thankless. I see the thanks in him every single day. I see the thanks in the love he has for the children I was blessed to give him. I see the thanks in his content for home cooked meals and choice of television show. I see his thanks in clean and folded laundry. I see his thanks in the unconditional love he gives me. Thank a veteran on Veteran's Day. Shake their hand, hug them! Give them the thanks they are due. Let them know what they have provided for our country, for us, is not gone by without notice. They all deserve it.
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