Not "If," but "When"

If there is one thing I have learned as a toddler mom, it's to never assume your child is never going to do something.  All toddlers have similar mindsets; it goes a little something like "do whatever I want whenever I want, especially if it can make mom loose her cool."  I'm guilty of the "ifs."  When our son was younger, I would say things like "I don't know what I would do if he drew on the wall, played with his own feces, hits me on purpose" and probably about a million other things.  What I have learned is that its not been, in my experience, a matter of "if" so much as a matter of "when" because all of those previously mentioned "ifs" have manifested into solid "whens."

If it can be done, kids will find a way.  There is something to be admired about their persistent nature and inquisitive minds.  However, there are days I wish my child had been born with the "playing in my own poop/drawing on the wall with a Sharpie are socially unacceptable practices" instinct.  The thing is, all moms live in the bliss that those outrageous stories that other moms talk about will never happen in their households.  Then they do.  Or, in the case of the poop incident, at your mother's house (sorry, mom).  So, if your baby has yet to hit the toddler years just know--its going to happen.  Even if you hide the markers it will happen.  I have yet to discover where my child actually located a RED Sharpie marker, but he sure did!  By the way, hairspray gets that off of white walls and white carpeting wonderfully.

I wish I could offer some cool insider advice on how to prepare for the "whens" but there just isn't a book titled "What to Do When your Child is a Poop Picasso" or "How to Not Completely Loose your Shit when your Child Colors a Wall" yet.  The cuteness of the What to Expect series did not adequately prepare me for what was to come.  I was not prepared for those "whens" and I am still not prepared.  But now I know.  I know that I need to just say "when."  Our "whens" are going to change as our son ages, and there is a whole new set coming with our daughter.  Some of the teen girl "whens" I am not even going to acknowledge and pretend that my daughter will always be a sweet, drooly, smiley, baby girl.  If there were no "whens" there would be no discovery, no learning, no boundaries, no idea of socially acceptable behavior.  They will happen.  It's basically a law of science or math or physics or something.

There will never be a way to prepare for these "whens" to hit.  Just make sure you have some people who have "been there, done that" in your corner, good friends to tell your daily AHHHHHH moments to, a supportive significant other, spouse, parent, sibling, best friend, etc. to sometimes cry on, and know that each "when" is, inevitably, experienced by all moms.  From Poop Picaso to Marker Michel Angelo, it happens. All those "ifs" become "whens" and we live to tell the tale another day!