Oh, karma. It really is a "B-word." A HUGE "B-word." So much so that the past few days I have been inclined to write this apology letter to my mother. Trust me when I say she really deserves it. We have began to enforce the "you will eat what is cooked" rule at our house. Our son is beyond picky, and now that he is able to fully communicate his reasons, we are doing our best to help him experience foods outside of casings full of internals and powdered "cheese" on noodles. Hotdogs and easy-mac have been his staples for too long and it is time to enforce new and better choices to him.
I would love to say this pickiness is a fluke of nature. I would really love to say it comes from his dad. I mean, my husband won't even eat a piece of lettuce, his pickiness HAS to come from him, right? Wrong. Cue karma. That's right, the pickiness I am fighting in him is the same pickiness my mom fought in me. Mom, I am sorry. I feel inclined to apologize for my actions 20+ years ago when you were trying to get me to just chew and swallow that bite. I apologize because this is the same exact shit I put my mom through as a child. As I sat there wondering if my child was going to cry or throw up after putting less that a centimeter sized piece of orange chicken in his mouth, I couldn't help but think that my mom probably felt the same thing about me as a child.
Although I am sure our son is a hair pickier than even I was as a child, I can see all of my mom's frustrations manifesting in me. Like how he just sits there and holds it in his mouth instead of just swallowing and getting it over with, or how he fibs about swallowing. or the frustration that my child would rather starve himself than eat a dang vegetable. Eating is just the worst in this house, and I am sure my mom felt the same way about me. I guess you could say I have come full circle. This is a trait my son could have passed on inheriting, but I am a firm believer that God wanted me to understand first hand what I put my mom though, because beside that little quirk, I was relatively a good kid. I was even pleasant (mostly) in my teen years (I think...mom may have other opinions!). So I am hoping that we will have the same luck with our son. I keep myself in the blissful that our daughter will love all foods! Only time will tell...
So, mom, I am sorry. I am sorry for all the frustrations of feeding me. All the times you probably wanted to slap me and refrained over dinner, the times I cried, annoyed you by holding food in my mouth for days, wondered if I was going to cry or puke on your table, or drove you to secret tears during the dishes wondering if your child was going to starve and if you really should just let him have some milk or a snack you swore wouldn't happen unless he tasted one minute piece of orange chicken...I am sorry if you felt what I am feeling, and you probably did. Karma has your back, mom, it really does this time. Oh, and along with I'm sorry, as always, I love you!
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
The Potty Training Game Changer
Let me just say what everyone who has been there or is there right now is thinking; potty training is pure, unadulterated HELL. There is absolutely nothing even remotely close to what they show in a training pants commercial. That has to be some form of false advertising, I swear. After hearing many success stories of friends and family whose children were very successful with a "3 day" or "one week" potty training method, I thought to myself "we can do it, it's only going to be three days of tough." Once again, karma got me. Karma got me GOOD. We started the potty training in January after our son began to show all the signs of interest. Well, all the signs but actually going in the potty! He is one stubborn, and often times defiant kid. I love that he is willing to question conformity and is not afraid to do his own thing, until it comes to using a toilet. That is one social conformity that is non-negotiable in our home, and likely with the entirety of developed civilizations.
Thinking about it from a psychological sense, I can see why potty training is tough. I mean, we are essentially teaching our children to resist instinctual urges of "relief" by trading it with a desire to conform to a common societal practice. As intellectual as that sounds, and as much as I drilled that into my head, it didn't help my "understanding" of why my son needed to use his own deuce as "boulders" for his excavator in his bedroom. Toddlers. Are. Absolutely. Disgusting. This is why they are so darn cute.
After days of hiding and masking my stress, trying every trick and tip given to me, and doing my best to maintain positive vibes towards my son, not to mention MANY prayers for patience, the Mediocre Daddy came to the rescue with a potty training kit he found and ordered 100% autonomously from Amazon (link provided below). This kid from The Potty Trainer was an absolute game changer for us, and it probably saved our marriage. Days of defeat (for me) on the potty training front translated into super bitch mode towards the Mediocre Daddy, which in turn may have swayed his decision to order this kit. So, for those curious here's why it was magic for us.
The kit includes a DVD for parents and kids, a potty timer watch, a sticker chart, a potty journal, and a "Certificate of Completion" for the child once training is a success. I cannot comment on the DVD though. We have a PS4 gaming system that doubles as our way to watch DVDs/Blu-Ray and the disc was not compatible for our system, just and FYI. However, the system for us worked just as well without the DVD. We had been doing a sticker chart with very mild success, but coupling that with the potty training journal and watch was awesome. Both of these can be wiped dry if you choose to use a dry erase marker as well. The journal was a good tracker for myself because I was able to better pinpoint what kinds of accidents were happening when during the day. Stickers were an ok confidence booster for our son, but he was really in it to win it when suckers were brought to the table. I was sure after day four he was the next face of the "diabeetus" commercials, but he made it through unscathed.
That watch, that watch was the ultimate game changer. We had been setting the oven timer, cell phone alarms, etc. to take him to the toilet, but the watch with colorful lights and (a slightly annoying tone) playing some tunes of children's favorite songs was just the thing we needed to really get him excited about going. The child can wear the watch, but he was happier having it set in an area where he could see and hear it without having it on his person. The watch can be set for 30 min., 60 min., or 90 min. We started out with 30 and after one day with that began to notice some of a difference. After 3 days there were nearly no pee accidents, and within two weeks he was going both in the potty successfully. A lot of it is about how and when it clicks in the child's mind what the "got to go" feeling is, this took some time for my son, but the watch helped reinforce the thought process behind "hey! do I really need to go?"
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that potty training was easy for us, because it was literally the hardest thing I have done in my time as a parent, and I still will have one to go on this potty train! I know that we will keep this product for use with our daughter though and start right out with it once the day comes. I always say my husband is a saint, but in this scenario St. Daddy seriously saved the day (and probably our marriage, our romantic times, my sanity...). So, if you too are in the trenches of potty training, go to Amazon ( and order this kit. It says for boys, but the principle will work for boys or girls (unless the DVD has a gender specific section, this I cannot speak to) Oh. Add on some wine, or coffee, or chocolate, or all of it to your order too, trust me. You're going to need it and it makes it easier. Some days, vodka made it easier; like when I was scrubbing poop out of our carpet after it was "construction site stuff." But, on this day, March 25, 2017, our son received his certificate of completion for potty training. He was so excited he nearly cried (but did NOT pee his pants! WIN!) and that pride in himself and excitement in that moment made all of my tears, stress, defeat, disgust, and at times anger all seem so irrelevant. I know he will likely have a few accidents here and there, but we finally, FINALLY made it out of the trenches and into the light. And in a bittersweet way, his babyhood is just completely and fully over as we transition now into the time of having a kid!
Note: For this post, I did not receive any items in the kit free of charge. I am writing this based on my unbiased review of a product that worked well for our family. Retails at $23.97 on Amazon and is Prime eligible.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
"See you Later," Never "Goodbye"
Sometimes I find myself complaining about military spouse life. TriCare can be a headache, time away from my husband can be annoying, and if I wash another damn pen that was left in one of the bajillion pockets I happened to miss in the uniform, I may go insane! But, all of these small annoyances are trivial in comparison to the part of military life that actually does stink; when our friends move away.
As military spouses, we tend to jump headfirst into friendships because we know we may only have a few months in any given location. Thinking about it outside a military sense, yes, it does seem weird to just go to a person's house you have never met in person before! I think the only ones who do that outside of military life use something called Tinder and it is for a totally different kind of "playdate," if you get my drift. I am not saying do not be safe, ALWAYS exercise caution and follow your gut, but when you know you have a good egg, don't waste anytime. So naturally, when you invest so much time into new friends, who quickly become best friends, whose children quickly become your children's best friends, it hurts when someone must move on.
I never say goodbye. This sprouted from my dad, and he likely didn't know that he was preparing me for a troubadouristic (ok, with much less music and singing) lifestyle, but he always says "see you later." It didn't matter if he was talking to me before dropping me at school or talking to a gas station attendant in New Mexico he would likely never see again, he always just gives a good "see ya later." It's easier than goodbye. It's especially easier to tell our friends we will see them later than to say goodbye. Goodbyes are so final, and something that is not final is our friendship. Whether it is to another country or across this one, distance doesn't end friends. Facebook makes sure of that! Not to mention the fact that the army is a (relatively) small world and we may well see each other later!
Goodbye is too definite, too concrete, too sobering. As my children begin to realize they must eventually say their see you later's to their friends (especially my son who frequently asks me when Charlie, Jacob, and Paul will be coming to see him) I want them to know that they don't lose friends. We can always be friends. They can always be friends and they may see each other again in the future. They play and have fun and live in the now which is such a beautiful thing in such a transient life. We can all learn a little bit from that. So, when our days are running short, we play, we have fun, and we live in the now just as our children do.
"Until we meet again, whether at our next post or at the gates of Heaven."
As military spouses, we tend to jump headfirst into friendships because we know we may only have a few months in any given location. Thinking about it outside a military sense, yes, it does seem weird to just go to a person's house you have never met in person before! I think the only ones who do that outside of military life use something called Tinder and it is for a totally different kind of "playdate," if you get my drift. I am not saying do not be safe, ALWAYS exercise caution and follow your gut, but when you know you have a good egg, don't waste anytime. So naturally, when you invest so much time into new friends, who quickly become best friends, whose children quickly become your children's best friends, it hurts when someone must move on.
I never say goodbye. This sprouted from my dad, and he likely didn't know that he was preparing me for a troubadouristic (ok, with much less music and singing) lifestyle, but he always says "see you later." It didn't matter if he was talking to me before dropping me at school or talking to a gas station attendant in New Mexico he would likely never see again, he always just gives a good "see ya later." It's easier than goodbye. It's especially easier to tell our friends we will see them later than to say goodbye. Goodbyes are so final, and something that is not final is our friendship. Whether it is to another country or across this one, distance doesn't end friends. Facebook makes sure of that! Not to mention the fact that the army is a (relatively) small world and we may well see each other later!
Goodbye is too definite, too concrete, too sobering. As my children begin to realize they must eventually say their see you later's to their friends (especially my son who frequently asks me when Charlie, Jacob, and Paul will be coming to see him) I want them to know that they don't lose friends. We can always be friends. They can always be friends and they may see each other again in the future. They play and have fun and live in the now which is such a beautiful thing in such a transient life. We can all learn a little bit from that. So, when our days are running short, we play, we have fun, and we live in the now just as our children do.
"Until we meet again, whether at our next post or at the gates of Heaven."
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Disappointments are like Mountains, Climb Them.
Some people will tell you "life is full of disappointments." Not to be narcissistic, but that statement can be all too true when it comes to military life. There are LOTS of disappointments. Unapproved leave means no vacations or visits to family when planned, spouses being looked over for promotions can make one feel for their service member, not getting "THE base" you had at the top of your wishlist, or missing career opportunities for yourself can all be sources of disappointment in military life for spouses and members too. With some or all of these piling up, it seems the only answer is to dig a hole of depression filled with pint-sized ice cream, pajamas, and binge Netflix for the next....7 years, right? Wrong. The truth is, life will always give obstacles and disappointments that can sometimes pile up into mountains. At that point, there's really only one this to do; climb them. Lace up your hiking boots and start climbing!
We don't have to let the disappointments consume us. In fact, they're often a good lesson in grace and show us our own ability to overcome our situations. I like to tell myself and, eventually, when my kids are old enough to comprehend them as well, that the disappointments don't shape us, but they sure give us some grounds to rise on. If I listed out every single time I felt sucker punched by our lifestyle, I would seem like one narcissistic, sad, jerkface. In reality, I am about as opposite as it gets from those things! Well, except maybe a "jerkface" my son probably thinks I am one of those every time he is sent into a time-out. But aside from that one, I actively ensure I stay opposite of the others! Because it's easy to let disappoint consume is. It is much harder to rise up, look that disappointment square in the eye, and give it hell.
Those times I mentioned above? Those are all too common for many military families, and honestly things that other families often experience as well. I would like to say I'm this total super woman who can overcome all adversity completely on my own, all while having flawless skin and great hair. The truth is, there are things that can help in these times. I say all.the.time "I get by with a little help from my friends." This is so true! A solid group of friends, no matter the size, are really the best in times of disappointment. Sometimes you just need an understanding ear to vent to, a buddy to "whine and wine" with, or someone who just will tell you that the situation sucks. Empathy is so important! These friends are also great because they help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. They help you make a plan E, F, and G. They bring you back to your sorta super woman center again, and they just make everything better. Friends are such crucial parts of military lifestyle! It's also important to have your service member's back. As much as I sometimes want to scream profanities related to our life, I don't because at the end of the day I am thankful. I am thankful for his service, because let's face it. I would be the WORST soldier in the world (ask the mediocre daddy if you don't believe me). I am thankful for the roof over our head, the food on our plates, and that annoying camo duffel bag behind my rocking chair to trip on. Because all of these things, all of these signs of a soldier, means he is home, he is safe, and we are whole.
Remember this next step the next time you find yourself in the heat of a life disappointment at the hands of a military lifestyle; pick up your phone and dial your mama. Because no one knows better than mom (or dad, or grandma, or grandpa or whoever you are closest to) what to do. No one makes me feel better about life situations than my mom. Even this crazy, unorganized, hot mess of a mom needs her mom from time to time (and by time to time I mean daily. She probably gets annoyed with the amount I call her!). Our loved ones always help us see the brighter side of things. Sometimes we just need to see that our grass is just as green as the other side.
When life gives you unexpected turns, its ok to take a minute to be sad, to cry, to be upset or mad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving way to your emotions--in fact, its healthy. If you want to learn more about that, just watch "Inside Out" its the best basic explanation of that I have found! Sometimes Sadness needs to take the wheel for a minute and kick Joy to the sideline, so that Joy can come back stronger than ever. Take that minute, get it out, and then thing it through and reevaluate. Take those disappointments and rise above them. Use them as ammo in your arsenal to become a more rounded person and channel those disappointments into optimism and an additional outlook. Optimism in the face of adversity is probably one of the most powerful tools we can wield. Plus, it's free, so there's that. If there's one thing I want my minions to learn from their mom its that we decide how our disappoints affect us; we can choose to grow and learn in them, and that choice makes us strong, makes us thrive, and makes us reach the summit!
"We never know how high we are, until we are called to rise. And then, if we are true to form, our dreams will touch the skies." --Emily Dickinson
We don't have to let the disappointments consume us. In fact, they're often a good lesson in grace and show us our own ability to overcome our situations. I like to tell myself and, eventually, when my kids are old enough to comprehend them as well, that the disappointments don't shape us, but they sure give us some grounds to rise on. If I listed out every single time I felt sucker punched by our lifestyle, I would seem like one narcissistic, sad, jerkface. In reality, I am about as opposite as it gets from those things! Well, except maybe a "jerkface" my son probably thinks I am one of those every time he is sent into a time-out. But aside from that one, I actively ensure I stay opposite of the others! Because it's easy to let disappoint consume is. It is much harder to rise up, look that disappointment square in the eye, and give it hell.
Those times I mentioned above? Those are all too common for many military families, and honestly things that other families often experience as well. I would like to say I'm this total super woman who can overcome all adversity completely on my own, all while having flawless skin and great hair. The truth is, there are things that can help in these times. I say all.the.time "I get by with a little help from my friends." This is so true! A solid group of friends, no matter the size, are really the best in times of disappointment. Sometimes you just need an understanding ear to vent to, a buddy to "whine and wine" with, or someone who just will tell you that the situation sucks. Empathy is so important! These friends are also great because they help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. They help you make a plan E, F, and G. They bring you back to your sorta super woman center again, and they just make everything better. Friends are such crucial parts of military lifestyle! It's also important to have your service member's back. As much as I sometimes want to scream profanities related to our life, I don't because at the end of the day I am thankful. I am thankful for his service, because let's face it. I would be the WORST soldier in the world (ask the mediocre daddy if you don't believe me). I am thankful for the roof over our head, the food on our plates, and that annoying camo duffel bag behind my rocking chair to trip on. Because all of these things, all of these signs of a soldier, means he is home, he is safe, and we are whole.
Remember this next step the next time you find yourself in the heat of a life disappointment at the hands of a military lifestyle; pick up your phone and dial your mama. Because no one knows better than mom (or dad, or grandma, or grandpa or whoever you are closest to) what to do. No one makes me feel better about life situations than my mom. Even this crazy, unorganized, hot mess of a mom needs her mom from time to time (and by time to time I mean daily. She probably gets annoyed with the amount I call her!). Our loved ones always help us see the brighter side of things. Sometimes we just need to see that our grass is just as green as the other side.
When life gives you unexpected turns, its ok to take a minute to be sad, to cry, to be upset or mad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving way to your emotions--in fact, its healthy. If you want to learn more about that, just watch "Inside Out" its the best basic explanation of that I have found! Sometimes Sadness needs to take the wheel for a minute and kick Joy to the sideline, so that Joy can come back stronger than ever. Take that minute, get it out, and then thing it through and reevaluate. Take those disappointments and rise above them. Use them as ammo in your arsenal to become a more rounded person and channel those disappointments into optimism and an additional outlook. Optimism in the face of adversity is probably one of the most powerful tools we can wield. Plus, it's free, so there's that. If there's one thing I want my minions to learn from their mom its that we decide how our disappoints affect us; we can choose to grow and learn in them, and that choice makes us strong, makes us thrive, and makes us reach the summit!
"We never know how high we are, until we are called to rise. And then, if we are true to form, our dreams will touch the skies." --Emily Dickinson
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Five Life Lessons I Learned from my Mom
1) You can have More than One Best Friend
During my late-grade school and middle school years, the "who's your best friend?' question was always posed. I remember feeling torn about who my one best friend was; I had lots of friends who were bests in their own ways, but the "need" to choose one was insisted by my peers. There was always lots of "friend ranking" a best friend, a 2nd best friend, a 3rd best friend and so forth. I felt torn by the feeling to rank my friends. After lots of contemplation over who my best friend was, I asked my mom who I should pick as a best friend. She said "well, you can have more than one best friend. Life is better with more." She was right. Since then, I have had lots of best friends all at the same time! Having a larger network, especially in life as a transient military family, its not only ok to have many best friends, its necessary. It is so great to have a strong group of friends literally all over the world!
2) Forgive Those who Hurt You
Forgiveness is one of the hardest concepts to grasp, but the one that can do the best good for the heart. It is SO hard to forgive those who have hurt us, especially if they're close to us. But, my mom has taught me to do it. If not for the benefit of the other, but for the benefit of myself and my heart. Life's too short to harbor ill feelings towards others. I have watched my mom forgive those close to her in time I would not have been able to so easily. Her example on forgiveness has been a stepping stone for me. I can forgive those who have hurt me because of the example my mom has set for me. Trust me, my forgivenesses have not been nearly as hard as hers and I commend her for that! It's easy to hold a grudge; its hard to let it go but letting go makes all the difference.
3) If you Fall, Get Back Up
I mean this both figuratively and literally. Mom and I are both not the most graceful when it comes to falling! She needs to stop that mess before she hurts herself. But, on a more figurative sense, my mom has taught me that when things in life knock you down, you just have to get up and try again. Maybe try it a different way. Maybe try a different approach or thing all together, but get up and try going forwards continually. Of course, if your literally fall, it's also a good idea to get back up again. Unless something is broken, then just wait for assistance.
4) Be Involved
I learned at a young age from my mom encouraging me to be involved in my community, that doing so is a good thing! Was I a little too involved? Maybe at times, but the skills I learned, memories made, friends gained, and lessons learned were well worth the late nights sewing, washing horses, and trimming goats and pigs before the fair. It was even worth all the tears and cuss words shed over sewing projects! I was active in many things from 4-H to church activities and sports while growing up because my mom signed me up for Tumbleweeds (mini 4-H) and the rest has been history. I am still involved in many activities in my community to help engage myself, serve others, and make a difference!
5) Things Always have a Way of Working Out
This has been the biggest thing I have learned from my mom. Things will always work out. Maybe not 100% how I want, maybe not 100% on my timeline, but what is meant to be and what is best will always be in the end. Give it to God, and go to sleep, so to speak. Just having faith that life brings us through challenges to bring us to the things we are best suited for. At least this has been my experience, and like always, mama knows best here too. Even as an adult, I still look to her for advice. I still need to hear (or read if we are messaging, thank God for technology!) her say "don't worry, it'll all work out." I must say, she has a 100% track record of being right on this one!
I will always look to my mom for advice, whether it's how to train a steer to lead or not to train my kid to poop in a toilet. Situations have changed as I grow, but what doesn't change is my need for my mom's love, guidance, and wisdom. I can only hope I can be the same source of love and light to my children as my mom is to me. She's a saint, guys. Through and through.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Motherhood:1000: Tales of a Student-Mom
Surprisingly, labor has not been the hardest part of my parenting journey. Although, if you had asked me the day after my son was born, the answer may have been different. The hardest part hasn't even been the potty training fiasco we are currently in the trenches of (although, when my son peed on my wedding shoes my answer may have been different). The hardest part has been the ten semesters I spent as either a full-time college student or just a credit or two short of full time.
I started college well before my kids were born and before I even knew my husband existed. I had fun, learned a lot, probably had a little too much fun, but gained knowledge and life advice from many professors I still consider life mentors. When we got married and I started this crazy life as a military wife, my biggest goal was to continue my education and pursue my passions. When I discovered I was pregnant with our son, my ambitions with education didn't change. I have kept pursuing my goals.
So, two countries, three colleges, countless courses, and two degrees earned later here we are! I am finally finished with my field of study (for now, at least until school days come). While it has been so worth it, it was no easy task. I didn't really think much would change, but it did. There were late nights, homework done while holding babies (my daughter was born in my last two semesters!), some missed assignments to comfort sick little ones, tears, frustrations, and fire. That last one is what kept me going those ten semesters. I never stopped; fall, spring, summer semesters I always had classes. Mostly because I knew if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to start again. The roles of being a wife and a mother would flood in and I would enjoy my few moments of calm in the evening when I was not scrambling to finish homework.
Sometimes, I sacrificed sanity. Sometimes I sacrificed intimacy with my husband. Sometimes I sacrificed housework, laundry, and clothes went unfolded for a couple days. Then, sometimes I sacrificed having a perfect score on something or a quiz periodically to spend time with my children that I wouldn't get back. Because life is all about balance. Frankly, I would rather do ANYTHING than statistics class. Anything. Even teaching my son to poop in the toilet is more lucrative. But, even on the long, late nights, the courses that did frustrate me (ahem, statistics), and the crazy deadlines clearly not geared for someone rearing children, I did it. I didn't quit--though the thought crossed my mind more often than I would like to admit! If you are in the same boat, trust me, I know it is so hard. I know what you're going through and how absolutely frustrating and seemingly impossible it can feel at times. But I also know the feeling that floods in when the degree is placed in your hand. Never in my life have I cried when I received something--not in high school, not getting my associates, not with countless 4-H, FFA, and PAS awards, but I cried tears of joy, accomplishment, and relief walking across the stage at the University of Wyoming during my graduation ceremony. Because, despite all odds, all the statistics about women having children before finishing their degree, I overcame an I achieved. I remind myself of this every time I am coercing a 3.5 foot tall blonde boy to poop in a toilet. If I mastered Freud and Skinner, I can master potty training....right?
I started college well before my kids were born and before I even knew my husband existed. I had fun, learned a lot, probably had a little too much fun, but gained knowledge and life advice from many professors I still consider life mentors. When we got married and I started this crazy life as a military wife, my biggest goal was to continue my education and pursue my passions. When I discovered I was pregnant with our son, my ambitions with education didn't change. I have kept pursuing my goals.
So, two countries, three colleges, countless courses, and two degrees earned later here we are! I am finally finished with my field of study (for now, at least until school days come). While it has been so worth it, it was no easy task. I didn't really think much would change, but it did. There were late nights, homework done while holding babies (my daughter was born in my last two semesters!), some missed assignments to comfort sick little ones, tears, frustrations, and fire. That last one is what kept me going those ten semesters. I never stopped; fall, spring, summer semesters I always had classes. Mostly because I knew if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to start again. The roles of being a wife and a mother would flood in and I would enjoy my few moments of calm in the evening when I was not scrambling to finish homework.
Sometimes, I sacrificed sanity. Sometimes I sacrificed intimacy with my husband. Sometimes I sacrificed housework, laundry, and clothes went unfolded for a couple days. Then, sometimes I sacrificed having a perfect score on something or a quiz periodically to spend time with my children that I wouldn't get back. Because life is all about balance. Frankly, I would rather do ANYTHING than statistics class. Anything. Even teaching my son to poop in the toilet is more lucrative. But, even on the long, late nights, the courses that did frustrate me (ahem, statistics), and the crazy deadlines clearly not geared for someone rearing children, I did it. I didn't quit--though the thought crossed my mind more often than I would like to admit! If you are in the same boat, trust me, I know it is so hard. I know what you're going through and how absolutely frustrating and seemingly impossible it can feel at times. But I also know the feeling that floods in when the degree is placed in your hand. Never in my life have I cried when I received something--not in high school, not getting my associates, not with countless 4-H, FFA, and PAS awards, but I cried tears of joy, accomplishment, and relief walking across the stage at the University of Wyoming during my graduation ceremony. Because, despite all odds, all the statistics about women having children before finishing their degree, I overcame an I achieved. I remind myself of this every time I am coercing a 3.5 foot tall blonde boy to poop in a toilet. If I mastered Freud and Skinner, I can master potty training....right?
Sunday, January 22, 2017
The No Sandwich
Contributed by: Colleen Rye, henceforth known as Slave to My Spawn
“No, I don’t want an apple, NO!” Lunchtime and my three-and-a-half year old decides that he is serving No Sandwiches. But wait, I’M the momma. I’M the boss. I decide what is for lunch! Before I had kids, I had this idea of how my kids were going to be. They will be kind, have lots of friends, and do at least 95% of the things I ask. Clearly, I was drunk when I had those thoughts. My sweet (when he wants to be) little boy helped create a new taste sensation. As all parents know, “No” is the most important word at this age. “No potty No.” “No chicken No.” In fact, you can sandwich any suggested phrase between “No.” In our house, we refer to this as a No Sandwich.
Now that he has found his voice and uses it. All. The. Time. Most answers are “No, I don’t want _____, NO!” The No Sandwich is bittersweet. Sometimes he will serve it and it’s funny. For example, “Peanut (that’s what I call him sometimes), would you like to eat popcorn for dinner?” Popcorn is of his favorite snacks, but I get “No, I don’t want ka-porn, NO!” Until I walk away from the pantry to sit down on the couch. Then he emphatically tells me he wants popcorn. Duh. I’m your momma. I know you want the damn ka-porn. Other times, it’s not funny and I want to rip my hair out. I am sure most parents can relate. Case in point, we had been in the house for a few days because of the weather. I was getting cabin fever and it was going to be beautiful outside. “Grab your shoes! We are going to the park to play outside!” He loves being outside and running around like a mad man. He’ll play in dirt, he’ll play on rocks, grass; he doesn’t care. But of course, you know the answer he gave me. “No, don’t wanna go outside, NO!” This is when I lose it and start spouting off ridiculous punishments if he doesn’t find his shoes so we can get the eff out of the house. “I’m not going to read Sneetches at bedtime!” or “You will not watch cartoons if you don’t get your shoes!” In 4 days, I had had enough Daniel Tiger, Curious George, and PJ Masks. I wanted sunshine. I wanted wind. I wanted to get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts drive through and talk with other parents with children as crazy as mine. I JUST WANTED OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE! He did finally get his shoes, after I told him that his friends were going to be there and that he could get a cheeseburger afterward. Yes, I resorted to bribery.
Internet professionals (HA!) tell me that he will be a leader. He will stand up for himself and won’t back down from challenges. He will change the world and how mankind thinks. He could be President of the United States or run a global corporation or BOTH! But right now, I want him to go to bed at 8pm, pick up his dinosaurs and Legos that are all over the floor, and finish his chicken at dinner. At times, I have had my fill of the No Sandwich and I want to ram it back down his throat. But then, he’ll look at me with those beautiful brown eyes and tell me he loves me. And I’ll eat the No Sandwich, savor the taste with the memory of that moment, and know that these memories will taste better and better with each passing year.
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