My "Mom" is Showing

I love being a mom.  But I also love and cherish some kid-free time to just do my own thing.  When I was in college,  I had the excuse of school work to give me a reason to head to a coffee shop or restaurant with WiFi to give me some form of my former self back.  Now that I finally graduated, I still need some evening relax breaks, so periodically I will retreat to one of these locations to write about being a mom--ironic, right?  It's fun to blend in with the hip, likely single or at very least child-free crowd.

Then I do something like use hand sanitizer to wipe off the table and the mom in me just shines right on through.  Or I ask the nice barista for extra napkins just in case "someone has a spill."  I am confident she thinks I have split-personalities disorder.  Whatever.  The truth is, I can't even make it through ordering without sounding like a hot mess mother, and my heathens are safely home with the mediocre daddy.  So, I get up to order, and choose a hot, mocha latte.  Easy peasy.  Until I realize that clearly the thing to drink when its 82 degrees outside is a blended coffee with a bajillion flavors and more whipped cream than a Cool-Whip factory.  Seriously, this place has to own stock in Reddi-Whip or something.  I also requested a coffee sleeve.  I don't think the cool kids request those.

I also absent mindedly told another patron to "be careful" when he picked up a mug.  Who even does that?  This was before I ordered the espresso, in my defense.  Thankfully, I am a fairly pleasant person and he was good humored as I profusely apologized (and explained that I have a toddler, so it literally just slips out ALL the time).  So, my disguise to be cool failed almost as epically as my son's Darth Vader costume, he wore the cape but refused the rest, and got offended if someone asked who he was on Halloween.

Basically, the moral of the story is that you can never fully leave motherhood at home, even if that's where the kids are.  And that's ok.  Who knows, I may have saved a barista some work just in case someone does have a spill, and possibly saved a mug's life today.  All the positive vibes, right?  But seriously.  You think I'm funny at the coffee shop, you should see me attempt a club.  That's a story for another time.  Being a writing mom totally has it's perks (see what I did there?).  I get to play hipster cool kid for a couple hours, all while trying provide my wonderful readers with some entertainment!  So, wherever you are out there, if you see me doing something weird and "mom" in public, just come discretely tell me my "mom" is showing.

*Disclaimer:  I purchased my drink from our local Starbucks franchise.  I did not receive the item in my hand for free, discounted, or in exchange for marketing or advertising purposes for Starbucks.  I just really needed some flippin coffee at night.*

Your First Time After Baby

You're finally ready for the first time after baby is born.  Let's be honest, you're a bit nervous, unsure of how you look or feel, secretly just want to go to bed, worried that the baby may wake up hungry half-way through and you need to excuse yourself to feed her.  Is there spit-up in your hair?  Poop on you anywhere?  Is it noticeable?  Well, times up for worrying it's time to just get to it.

You thought this post was going to be about, sex huh.  Gotcha!  No, I'm not talking about the first time you are intimate with your significant other after the baby is born--let's face it NO ONE wants to read about that.  I'm talking about the first solo trip to the grocery store by yourself.  The similarities are somewhat uncanny, aren't they.  Whether its your first baby or your fifth, adding another person to a shopping trip takes a bit of planning, and let's face it; its nerve wracking!  I must admit, that deciding how it was going to mesh with a toddler and a month old baby alone was just down-right scary.  What if she cries?  What if he has a meltdown?  What if I can't fit all my groceries in the cart?  How the heck will I not lose my toddler in the Commissary if he decides to make a run for it?

So, there I was clutching a 2.5 year old's little hand in my clammy palm praying he would just be good, while constantly checking that the baby tied to my chest was still calmly sleeping.  This is basically where babywearing saved my life for the millionth time.  I dote on it quite often, but seriously the practicality with multiple kiddos is just so worth it.  With a baby on board (literally) and toddler in tow, we went aisle by aisle hastily filling our cart with items on our list and a few that my little sneak managed to put in the cart without my knowing until we got to the checkout stand; at least I think the five bags of M&Ms were his doing, could have been me, only God will ever really know.  As we strolled, people would say things like "look how brave you are!" or "Out already? Bless you!" Which, I have learned from my Southern friends is not always a compliment!  But here's the thing; I'm not brave, unheard of, supermom, talented, whatever else--I was a mom with two kids and a husband who needed to eventually eat food (and a mom who just really wanted some ice cream and socialization).  I am obviously not the first woman to have more than one child, or to take those two children shopping; we all have to face it eventually, right?   For those mamas who are about the face it for the first time, here is my advice: make a list, make a plan, go when your kids are having happy time (for me its right after naptime, or first thing in the morning), let your toddler help to keep them engaged and distracted, and do whatever you have to to make it a good experience for you and your family!  If that's and iPad, cool.  If that's an in-store snack for the toddler and a super huge coffee for mom, cool.  If that's having a helper, cool.  If that's ordering pizza because you are out of meal type foods and want to go to the store alone, cool we have all been there at least once.

The moral of the story is the first time after baby will always be a bit of figuring and tough while you get your routine down.  But, just roll with it and remember, one day they will both be in school and you can do this blissfully alone--sometimes that thought is what keeps me going!  

Parkmagheddon

Like most toddlers, my son is drawn to the park.  It calls to him like the Ocean to Moana.  Most days, I love taking him to the park and letting him climb, run, explore, and enjoy his time in an outdoor setting.  I love the independence that park play can help bolster.  But then there are the other days.

The other 1% of park days are the ones where something unnecessary happens to him.  Whether he is kicked, hit, tackled, punched, or yelled at by another child or group of children, those days are straight up Parkmaghddon and the mama bear in me has to rear it's ugly head.  Now, I refuse to parent another mother's child.  I could say it's because I don't want to step on toes or don't know what parenting style is used at their home, but frankly, it's because I spend 24 hours a day parenting my own kids, I don't need to extend that outside of my house and my tribe.  I like to mind my own motherhood.  This is usually pretty simple.  My kind-hearted, friendly, little love bug typically is pretty good at just walking away from a situation that he senses may be more than he can handle (he is one heck of a fast runner, that kid is totally my cardio!).  However, from time to time there are those unavoidable kids.  The ones that sense his soft heartedness and take advantage of it as a means to get to him.

But inside that soft heart is unafraid.  He will go into the fire of parkmahgeddon to stick up for his friends, and that makes my heart happy.  He will tell the bullying culprits to "just leave me alone!"or that they cannot play with him.  And guess what?  That's ok.  That is completely ok.  I don't want to be around adults who are mean and nasty to me, it is no different for my kiddos.  Actions speak so much louder than words, and bullying is such an issue in our society.  If he has instilled confidence to stick up to bullies at three, I can only keep boosting that confidence so he can stick up to them at 13 too.

Moms, I get it, I really do.  I tend to believe that most mothers, and I truly mean most, are just doing the best they can.  Sometimes we miss things.  Sometimes we have our hands full.  Sometimes we need to park it on a bench and take a breather while our kids run because it's been a rough day.  But, sometimes we need to take our noses out of our cell phones and pay attention to the reality around us.  Sometimes we need to step away from a good conversation to see exactly what our child is doing.  Sometimes we need to be unafraid to approach a parent or guardian if a child is stepping well out of line.  Sometimes, we just need to walk away.  The last one is my main defense mechanism.  I don't want to say hurtful things I regret later.  I want to do nothing more than remove my child from a situation he does not understand and in these cases does not deserve.  Because sometimes the walking away is just the right thing to do.  Instead of fighting fire with fire we take the peaceable route when possible.  Because walking away with his head held high is not a defeat for him, its a defeat for those trying their best to get at him.

Dear Mom, I'm Sorry

Oh, karma.  It really is a "B-word." A HUGE "B-word."  So much so that the past few days I have been inclined to write this apology letter to my mother.  Trust me when I say she really deserves it.  We have began to enforce the "you will eat what is cooked" rule at our house.  Our son is beyond picky, and now that he is able to fully communicate his reasons, we are doing our best to help him experience foods outside of casings full of internals and powdered "cheese" on noodles.  Hotdogs and easy-mac have been his staples for too long and it is time to enforce new and better choices to him.

I would love to say this pickiness is a fluke of nature.  I would really love to say it comes from his dad. I mean, my husband won't even eat a piece of lettuce, his pickiness HAS to come from him, right? Wrong. Cue karma.  That's right, the pickiness I am fighting in him is the same pickiness my mom fought in me.  Mom, I am sorry.  I feel inclined to apologize for my actions 20+ years ago when you were trying to get me to just chew and swallow that bite.  I apologize because this is the same exact shit I put my mom through as a child.  As I sat there wondering if my child was going to cry or throw up after putting less that a centimeter sized piece of orange chicken in his mouth, I couldn't help but think that my mom probably felt the same thing about me as a child.

Although I am sure our son is a hair pickier than even I was as a child, I can see all of my mom's frustrations manifesting in me.  Like how he just sits there and holds it in his mouth instead of just swallowing and getting it over with, or how he fibs about swallowing. or the frustration that my child would rather starve himself than eat a dang vegetable.  Eating is just the worst in this house, and I am sure my mom felt the same way about me.  I guess you could say I have come full circle.  This is a trait my son could have passed on inheriting, but I am a firm believer that God wanted me to understand first hand what I put my mom though, because beside that little quirk, I was relatively a good kid.  I was even pleasant (mostly) in my teen years (I think...mom may have other opinions!).  So I am hoping that we will have the same luck with our son.  I keep myself in the blissful that our daughter will love all foods!  Only time will tell...

So, mom, I am sorry.  I am sorry for all the frustrations of feeding me.  All the times you probably wanted to slap me and refrained over dinner, the times I cried, annoyed you by holding food in my mouth for days, wondered if I was going to cry or puke on your table, or drove you to secret tears during the dishes wondering if your child was going to starve and if you really should just let him have some milk or a snack you swore wouldn't happen unless he tasted one minute piece of orange chicken...I am sorry if you felt what I am feeling, and you probably did.  Karma has your back, mom, it really does this time. Oh, and along with I'm sorry, as always, I love you!

The Potty Training Game Changer

Let me just say what everyone who has been there or is there right now is thinking; potty training is pure, unadulterated HELL.  There is absolutely nothing even remotely close to what they show in a training pants commercial.  That has to be some form of false advertising, I swear.  After hearing many success stories of friends and family whose children were very successful with a "3 day" or "one week" potty training method, I thought to myself "we can do it, it's only going to be three days of tough."  Once again, karma got me. Karma got me GOOD.  We started the potty training in January after our son began to show all the signs of interest.  Well, all the signs but actually going in the potty!  He is one stubborn, and often times defiant kid.  I love that he is willing to question conformity and is not afraid to do his own thing, until it comes to using a toilet.  That is one social conformity that is non-negotiable in our home, and likely with the entirety of developed civilizations.

Thinking about it from a psychological sense, I can see why potty training is tough.  I mean, we are essentially teaching our children to resist instinctual urges of "relief" by trading it with a desire to conform to a common societal practice.  As intellectual as that sounds, and as much as I drilled that into my head, it didn't help my "understanding" of why my son needed to use his own deuce as "boulders" for his excavator in his bedroom.  Toddlers. Are. Absolutely. Disgusting.  This is why they are so darn cute. 

After days of hiding and masking my stress, trying every trick and tip given to me, and doing my best to maintain positive vibes towards my son, not to mention MANY prayers for patience, the Mediocre Daddy came to the rescue with a potty training kit he found and ordered 100% autonomously from Amazon (link provided below).  This kid from The Potty Trainer was an absolute game changer for us, and it probably saved our marriage.  Days of defeat (for me) on the potty training front translated into super bitch mode towards the Mediocre Daddy, which in turn may have swayed his decision to order this kit.  So, for those curious here's why it was magic for us.  

The kit includes a DVD for parents and kids, a potty timer watch, a sticker chart, a potty journal, and a "Certificate of Completion" for the child once training is a success.  I cannot comment on the DVD though.  We have a PS4 gaming system that doubles as our way to watch DVDs/Blu-Ray and the disc was not compatible for our system, just and FYI.  However, the system for us worked just as well without the DVD.  We had been doing a sticker chart with very mild success, but coupling that with the potty training journal and watch was awesome.  Both of these can be wiped dry if you choose to use a dry erase marker as well.  The journal was a good tracker for myself because I was able to better pinpoint what kinds of accidents were happening when during the day.  Stickers were an ok confidence booster for our son, but he was really in it to win it when suckers were brought to the table.  I was sure after day four he was the next face of the "diabeetus" commercials, but he made it through unscathed.

That watch, that watch was the ultimate game changer.  We had been setting the oven timer, cell phone alarms, etc. to take him to the toilet, but the watch with colorful lights and (a slightly annoying tone) playing some tunes of children's favorite songs was just the thing we needed to really get him excited about going.  The child can wear the watch, but he was happier having it set in an area where he could see and hear it without having it on his person.  The watch can be set for 30 min., 60 min., or 90 min.  We started out with 30 and after one day with that began to notice some of a difference.  After 3 days there were nearly no pee accidents, and within two weeks he was going both in the potty successfully.  A lot of it is about how and when it clicks in the child's mind what the "got to go" feeling is, this took some time for my son, but the watch helped reinforce the thought process behind "hey! do I really need to go?" 

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that potty training was easy for us, because it was literally the hardest thing I have done in my time as a parent, and I still will have one to go on this potty train!  I know that we will keep this product for use with our daughter though and start right out with it once the day comes.  I always say my husband is a saint, but in this scenario St. Daddy seriously saved the day (and probably our marriage, our romantic times, my sanity...).  So, if you too are in the trenches of potty training, go to Amazon (  and order this kit.  It says for boys, but the principle will work for boys or girls (unless the DVD has a gender specific section, this I cannot speak to) Oh.  Add on some wine, or coffee, or chocolate, or all of it to your order too, trust me. You're going to need it and it makes it easier.  Some days, vodka made it easier; like when I was scrubbing poop out of our carpet after it was "construction site stuff."  But, on this day, March 25, 2017, our son received his certificate of completion for potty training.  He was so excited he nearly cried (but did NOT pee his pants! WIN!) and that pride in himself and excitement in that moment made all of my tears, stress, defeat, disgust, and at times anger all seem so irrelevant.  I know he will likely have a few accidents here and there, but we finally, FINALLY made it out of the trenches and into the light.  And in a bittersweet way, his babyhood is just completely and fully over as we transition now into the time of having a kid!   

https://www.amazon.com/Potty-Training-Days-Ultimate-Laminated/dp/B00M2GFQG8/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1490493593&sr=8-1&keywords=the%2Bpotty%2Btrainer&th=1

Note:  For this post, I did not receive any items in the kit free of charge.  I am writing this based on my unbiased review of a product that worked well for our family.  Retails at $23.97 on Amazon and is Prime eligible.  

"See you Later," Never "Goodbye"

Sometimes I find myself complaining about military spouse life.  TriCare can be a headache, time away from my husband can be annoying, and if I wash another damn pen that was left in one of the bajillion pockets I happened to miss in the uniform, I may go insane!  But, all of these small annoyances are trivial in comparison to the part of military life that actually does stink; when our friends move away.

As military spouses, we tend to jump headfirst into friendships because we know we may only have a few months in any given location.  Thinking about it outside a military sense, yes, it does seem weird to just go to a person's house you have never met in person before!  I think the only ones who do that outside of military life use something called Tinder and it is for a totally different kind of "playdate," if you get my drift. I am not saying do not be safe, ALWAYS exercise caution and follow your gut, but when you know you have a good egg, don't waste anytime.  So naturally, when you invest so much time into new friends, who quickly become best friends, whose children quickly become your children's best friends, it hurts when someone must move on.

I never say goodbye.  This sprouted from my dad, and he likely didn't know that he was preparing me for a troubadouristic (ok, with much less music and singing) lifestyle, but he always says "see you later."  It didn't matter if he was talking to me before dropping me at school or talking to a gas station attendant in New Mexico he would likely never see again, he always just gives a good "see ya later." It's easier than goodbye.  It's especially easier to tell our friends we will see them later than to say goodbye.  Goodbyes are so final, and something that is not final is our friendship.  Whether it is to another country or across this one, distance doesn't end friends.  Facebook makes sure of that!  Not to mention the fact that the army is a (relatively) small world and we may well see each other later!

Goodbye is too definite, too concrete, too sobering.  As my children begin to realize they must eventually say their see you later's to their friends (especially my son who frequently asks me when Charlie, Jacob, and Paul will be coming to see him) I want them to know that they don't lose friends.  We can always be friends.  They can always be friends and they may see each other again in the future. They play and have fun and live in the now which is such a beautiful thing in such a transient life.  We can all learn a little bit from that.  So, when our days are running short, we play, we have fun, and we live in the now just as our children do.

                "Until we meet again, whether at our next post or at the gates of Heaven."

Disappointments are like Mountains, Climb Them.

Some people will tell you "life is full of disappointments."  Not to be narcissistic, but that statement can be all too true when it comes to military life.  There are LOTS of disappointments.  Unapproved leave means no vacations or visits to family when planned, spouses being looked over for promotions can make one feel for their service member, not getting "THE base" you had at the top of your wishlist, or missing career opportunities for yourself can all be sources of disappointment in military life for spouses and members too.  With some or all of these piling up, it seems the only answer is to dig a hole of depression filled with pint-sized ice cream, pajamas, and binge Netflix for the next....7 years, right?  Wrong.  The truth is, life will always give obstacles and disappointments that can sometimes pile up into mountains.  At that point, there's really only one this to do; climb them.  Lace up your hiking boots and start climbing!

We don't have to let the disappointments consume us.  In fact, they're often a good lesson in grace and show us our own ability to overcome our situations.  I like to tell myself and, eventually, when my kids are old enough to comprehend them as well, that the disappointments don't shape us, but they sure give us some grounds to rise on.  If I listed out every single time I felt sucker punched by our lifestyle, I would seem like one narcissistic, sad, jerkface.  In reality, I am about as opposite as it gets from those things!  Well, except maybe a "jerkface" my son probably thinks I am one of those every time he is sent into a time-out.  But aside from that one, I actively ensure I stay opposite of the others!  Because it's easy to let disappoint consume is.  It is much harder to rise up, look that disappointment square in the eye, and give it hell.

Those times I mentioned above?  Those are all too common for many military families, and honestly things that other families often experience as well.  I would like to say I'm this total super woman who can overcome all adversity completely on my own, all while having flawless skin and great hair.  The truth is, there are things that can help in these times.  I say all.the.time "I get by with a little help from my friends." This is so true!  A solid group of friends, no matter the size, are really the best in times of disappointment.  Sometimes you just need an understanding ear to vent to, a buddy to "whine and wine" with, or someone who just will tell you that the situation sucks.  Empathy is so important! These friends are also great because they help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.  They help you make a plan E, F, and G.  They bring you back to your sorta super woman center again, and they just make everything better.  Friends are such crucial parts of military lifestyle!  It's also important to have your service member's back.  As much as  I sometimes want to scream profanities related to our life, I don't because at the end of the day I am thankful.  I am thankful for his service, because let's face it. I would be the WORST soldier in the world (ask the mediocre daddy if you don't believe me).  I am thankful for the roof over our head, the food on our plates, and that annoying camo duffel bag behind my rocking chair to trip on.  Because all of these things, all of these signs of a soldier, means he is home, he is safe, and we are whole.

Remember this next step the next time you find yourself in the heat of a life disappointment at the hands of a military lifestyle; pick up your phone and dial your mama.  Because no one knows better than mom (or dad, or grandma, or grandpa or whoever you are closest to) what to do.  No one makes me feel better about life situations than my mom.  Even this crazy, unorganized, hot mess of a mom needs her mom from time to time (and by time to time I mean daily.  She probably gets annoyed with the amount I call her!).  Our loved ones always help us see the brighter side of things.  Sometimes we just need to see that our grass is just as green as the other side.

When life gives you unexpected turns, its ok to take a minute to be sad, to cry, to be upset or mad.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging and giving way to your emotions--in fact, its healthy.  If you want to learn more about that, just watch "Inside Out" its the best basic explanation of that I have found!  Sometimes Sadness needs to take the wheel for a minute and kick Joy to the sideline, so that Joy can come back stronger than ever.  Take that minute, get it out, and then thing it through and reevaluate.  Take those disappointments and rise above them.  Use them as ammo in your arsenal to become a more rounded person and channel those disappointments into optimism and an additional outlook.  Optimism in the face of adversity is probably one of the most powerful tools we can wield.  Plus, it's free, so there's that.  If there's one thing I want my minions to learn from their mom its that we decide how our disappoints affect us; we can choose to grow and learn in them, and that choice makes us strong, makes us thrive, and makes us reach the summit!

"We never know how high we are, until we are called to rise. And then, if we are true to form, our dreams will touch the skies." --Emily Dickinson