I met this pretty cool, super good looking, kind of funny guy one day and the rest is history. Now we are married, with two wonderful little people none of which I would trade for anything. Oh! One little tiny detail....that guy I told you about? He's in the army, and, like it or not, that little tidbit was destined to change the course of my life forever.
When we got married, I knew a lot of things were going to change, but it didn't hit me for a few weeks just how much. Five days after our wedding I boarded a plane to move to Germany with my husband as he was stationed there. I soon came to a pretty harsh realization; not one person knew me. Not one person knew who I was. Sure, they knew I was "Mrs. Dixon" or "staff sergeant Dixon's wife" but no one knew ME. No one knew I had given up everything (willingly, he didn't force me to marry him, no worries) to live this life. I left behind my degree field, my ambitions, my horses, my training talents, my dream job, my family, my friends, and everything I knew to be true about myself. Two things can happen when a person is stripped of what she believes to be her identity--depression or rediscovery. Admittedly, I experienced both. I mourned the loss of me, of who I was, of a secure sense of self. I was happy and ecstatic to be married and to be expecting our first child (that happened fast!). After a while of wondering, of searching, of waiting, of trying things, I realized one thing; no one can tell you who you are, that part is up to you, and you get to be whoever you want!
So I had to leave behind my ag business dreams, but I did not give up on my education. I found a new and better suited venue for my personality as a psychology major, and I still attended my dream school, just online! I found new hobbies to enjoy regardless of where life takes us. I found new people I would have never met otherwise and have built such amazing and strong friendships. I have found new passions in life that I would not have been so devoted to without this life. I have discovered strengths I never knew I had. I have found talents I never knew I had. After all, who would have thought I would be (sort of) awesome at Zumba? Do I miss the things I loved before? Everyday. Everyday I miss my horses and showing and training. I miss ranch life. I miss rodeos, horse shows, and long days training. But, when I start to feel those things getting to me, I remind myself that those dreams are not dead, they are just delayed. The things I am experiencing right now are things that are one-time opportunities! These experiences are writing my story, and I prefer for it to be a long and at least mildly interesting one. Most of all, I want to exemplify to my children that we don't always do the things we want in our time, there's a timeline much greater than our own.
I am not anonymous in this life. I have a voice, I am a person, and I live things to the fullest. I have experienced cultures, circumstances, and places that I would not have otherwise, and this has all helped build a new puzzle of me. I know much more about who I am, my strengths, my goals, and my likes than I did before this life. I know who I AM! I have found myself in a life that can very easily become a life of monotonous anonymity; don't let it. Find you. Be you. Love you, and spread that with everyone you meet! Being a bit of sunshine and positivity in a life of camo, boots, goodbyes, and transition is the least you can do for you! Trust me, it goes a long way for your personal well-being. Know you, be you, love you, and be as completely fabulous as you can!
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