Every mom has heard the non-compliment compliments before. I truly believe that those giving these "compliments" mean well, but the truth is they sometimes point out all the insecurities mothers, especially mothers of multiple children under 5, experience everyday. Personally, not much gets to me. I tend to take them all with a grain of salt, but the thoughts going through my mind at the non-compliment compliments don't always match my smile and friendly reply.
1. "You look so tired!"
Thank you, grocery store patron. I'm not sure if the uncombed hair or the recycled eye makeup from last night gave it away, but yes, I am tired. So much so that I left the house with two different shoes on the other day. And not two that look similar; one gold sequin sparkles and one dark brown shoe. I have a toddler and a baby who, though usually good kiddos, are busy and don't appreciate naps or a full, uninterrupted nights sleep like I do. Just wait, you two, the teen years are coming and then I will go yell at you two centimeters from your face "GET UP!!! MY TV TIME!!" But, until then I will probably have many more people realize that my face is just "tired."
2. "You look great, for just having a baby!"
Is there a "just had a baby" category, or can I just look great otherwise? Admittedly, this really doesn't bother me much as I have been working very hard to make so positive physical changes in myself since the birth of our daughter. But, I still want to feel like I look great whether I just had a baby or not. However, this totally beats the time the nurse at my doctor's appointment asked me how many months post-partum I was, to which I simply answered "23." For many new moms, this is a great compliment, just leave out the "just had a baby" bit. Because, truth is all mothers of all shapes and sizes look great as moms. A mom body is something to embrace in itself. I mean, moms, you just grew a child and either pushed he/she out of your unmentionable area or had a major operation to have the baby, cut yourself some slack. You all look great!
3. "He/She is so cute, looks just like his/her dad!"
My kids are lucky. Their father is one good lookin' man. He also seems to have genes much stronger than mine, because our son especially, is a mini daddy. He looks identical to his dad (minus the most beautiful blue eyes thanks to his mommy, the teen girls in about 10 years will be thanking me). Our daughter is gorgeous (ok, all babies are, and I'm biased) and she looks like her brother. Just look at her big, blue doe eyes and wide smile though, that;s where you see her mama! The nasty crying face and messing her pants face is totally her dad though. I must admit though, I can't help but think that all those little old ladies at church who happily shared this compliment with us were secretly hinting at how strapping their daddy is. I'll just refer to him as the Cougar Catcher.
4. "You're house is so clean for having two babies!"
My house is just clean. Truthfully, the majority of mother's have very clean homes in terms of disinfecting, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, etc. These are things I do multiple times a week because when you have small people who like to put things in their mouths, spill things, puke on things, put things in the toilet, the list goes on and on. So, clean it definitely is to ensure safety of our children. Does it usually look like Toys R Us exploded in our house? Every single day. If you catch us off guard there will be mess. But, the mess is because we have a wild little boy who loves to play. I promise, the clean is there underneath the newly disinfected toys.
5. "It smells really good in here! I can't even tell you have kids in diapers!"
Ok, so I actually really appreciate this compliment. It lets me know that our house doesn't smell like shit (literally). With a toddler on potty refusal and a baby, some days we are literally up to our necks in poop diapers. Especially if corn has been served anytime in the past month. It is good to know that my home is not reflecting the smell because I do try to purify our air with various essential oils often and I'm completely addicted to Scentsy products. But, just know it does suffice to just say "it smells good in here!" I would even accept "Wow! Your house doesn't smell like shit!" Because there have been days where I wonder given the amount of diapers changed that day. My children are small, but they stink like grown men some days.
Bottom line, if someone offers one of these phrases above, just take it as a good thing. In reality, they are meaning well. Few people are out to make mothers feel bad about themselves maliciously. Most people want you to feel loved and to feel normal even though life with children is sometimes very far from normal. But, after receiving each of these at least twice from well-meaning people, I just have to chuckle in spite of myself. Because it's funny. It's real, it's genuine, and its funny. the non-compliment compliments, if taken lightly, are always good for a few laughs when you need them most.
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