What Moms' Can Do to Stop the "Me, Too"

Like me, many others have probably seen the post for sexual abuse and harassment circulating on various social media sites.  Also like me, many women may have chose to repost it to raise awareness due to their own personal experiences with sexual abuse or harassment; but what does this really do?  Of course, raising awareness is key in helping understanding, and in this case, helping stop something that is too often over-looked in our society.  But, I am a doer.  I always have to ask myself when recirculating these things 'okay, but what will you do for the cause?' Because by tomorrow most will forget who reposted and it will get lost in a sea of algorithms and advertisements.  Thoughts for action came and went, and then I realized I, in and of myself, am one of the most power tools in reducing these acts; many of you reading this are, too. 

Being a mother, I am the first teacher my children will ever know; and in many ways the most important source for socially and morally acceptable behaviors. Myself, along with their dad, are the two figures who will make the biggest mark on their sponge-like brains as we shape them to become decent adults.  At least that is the ultimate goal, and I think for most parents out there it is.  As a mother specifically, there are things that I can put into place during my children's youth, specifically

Photo from 'Know Your Meme' retrieved from
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/metoo

for my son, to do my part in creating a generation that can reduce the numbers of harassment and crimes of sexual nature.  These crimes have been around essentially since the dawn of humanity, and it would be completely off kilter for me to say that we can fully end crimes of this nature--but there are absolutely things we can do as parents to leave a mark in hopes of reduction in the generation we are raising.

I am a mother to a boy.  

One of the most important things in my overall parenting plan is to raise a son who has morals and values and treats all people the way he would want to be treated.  The 'boys will be boys' mentality just doesn't work for me.  At this stage in his life, I don't want him to think that just because he is a boy every single place we go is a playground.  As he enters adulthood later on I do not want him to feel that actions are excusable solely because he is a boy and 'that's what boys do.'  Frankly speaking, 'boys will be boys' just can't apply to groping, cat-calling, or rape.  No one, boy or girl, gets to call each other some of the horrible names I have heard women and girls called because they won't comply to a man or boy's wishes.  He will in time know that the "walk of shame" concept for girls, while boys are high-fived for a great performance is cruel and wrong.  Women are not animals.  Sex is not something that should be rewarded by peers or used as weapon for the girls who may no longer be interested. 

 Secondly, he needs to understand that no means no.  Right now we are really working on this in terms of number of doughnuts consumed in a week.  He just doesn't understand why mommy says no to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast on a daily basis.  Secretly, I really wish that was our life, but it is not. He must understand that when a person says no, that is 100% what that word means.  No means stop. No means 'I do not want this'. No means no.  This concept also relates to his play among his friends.  If he asks a child to stop doing something, I fully expect them to stop and vice versa.  I only ever want someone to say 'no' to him once before he stops the behavior--whether it is throwing a stick at someone (now) or asking a girl to dance (later).   

In these teaches of love and respect, I am not alone.  Children want to see love in others; such as their parents.  The way my husband speaks to and treats me is something that I can only pray our son will take through his life.  We are a team in that there are no "man and woman" tasks in our household; everyone helps each other with things.  His dad has no problem doing the dishes or laundry if needed and often does those tasks without being asked because he sees it needs done.  He also helps cook (I will just add he is a DAMN good cook, too!).  I also know how to do many things that society still looks at as a "manly" task; like fishing and hunting though I haven't been in a while.  These are things we can do together.  Most importantly is he hears daily how his dad speaks to me.  He hears words of affirmation, real conversations, laughter, 'I love you's', and compliments. He hears constructive criticism given in an appropriate way.  He does not hear name calling or inappropriate comments (I am not saying we don't make any, because we are basically the king and queen of inappropriate comments, however, children at his age cannot distinguish between a joke and truth and do not understand the content).  He sees acts of appropriate affection in front of him; hugs, nice kisses, hand holding, and help.  He sees consoling when I am feeling down.  He sees that his dad and I are a team that stands beside each other.

Even as a child, it is important he understands there are areas of both boys and girls that are never okay to touch.  Kids play and toddlers are inherently curious especially about their bodies (read Freud's work on anal retentiveness; not necessarily accurate other than toddlers are always touching their damn butt).  Right now, we discuss the places that are never to be touched by anyone while playing or not.  He understands that each person has their "no-no zone" (thanks, 7th grade P.E. for that term).  This is a basic foundation for later talks that thankfully we have some time yet to prepare for.

As life carries on there are more lessons we will have to teach our son as his maturity level increases.  I am thankful we do not have to cross that bridge yet, but realize that even at four teaching basic equality of all people is important.  How we treat each other is everything in this world.  Later on we will have to discuss the tougher topics.  One day, he will need to learn that just because he is a boy doesn't mean his ultimate goal is to have sex with as many women as possible.  He will need to learn to respect his body and others.  He will need to learn how everything "works" (tagging dad in on that one!).  My goal is to build up his self-esteem so much that those who try to pressure him into something cannot, and that he can be a voice to stand up and say no to anyone pressuring him to treat others wrongly or wanting him to do something that may hurt another person. 

I am a mother to a girl.

Ohhh sweet baby girl.  How  I wish you could stay so sweet and innocent forever.  How I wish you could never be hurt by this world.  But, I also know how tough things may be later on--like college campuses and high school.  I know what pressures you may feel, and I pray everyday that you will not experience what so many of us have.  I also know that is not the current societal norm. 

Isn't is sad I had to use "societal norm" when speaking about how girls are treated on college campuses and in high schools in today's world?  Why is this a norm? It sure as hell doesn't have to be.  This, too, can begin with me as a mom.  My daughter must know many of the things we are and will instill in our son; like "no-no zones" and when no means no (wish she'd learn that about climbing on the dining table like yesterday).  There are also so, so many things I want her to know to understand her value as a woman and realize her worth in that she won't be blind to a bad situation (like her mama was so long ago). 

There are things I want my daughter to know.  I want her to know that she doesn't have to find her friends and her worth in bed.  Thinking back to my college days, I can think of so many times when girls were pressured into sex because they felt that it was some sort of right of passage.  Whether this was by one boy, a group of boys, her friends, peers at a party, older students, or her good buddy Jose Cuervo, I can think of far too many friends and girls who felt that was the key to self-validation in college.  I can tell you, it's not.  I want her to know that if she does meet her good friend Jose Cuervo, he can be tamed.  Drinking does not by any means give a man the right to say or treat her any differently and she does not have to do anything with said person just because Jose was involved.  I want her to know that just because she is a girl, doesn't mean she can't defend herself either verbally or physically if needed in the event a bad situation arises.  I mean, I watched her slap a kid with her shoe at the park one day for teasing her so Lord have mercy if so...  I hope that she looks in the mirror and sees how beautifully and wonderfully made our God made her.  I hope she knows that the way she dresses does not give a man the right to touch or verbally harass her.  I hope she exudes so much self confidence no one can ever bring her down. 

I hope when the time comes for her and I to sit down and have these conversations, that she realizes it is from a place of love.  I hope that she will come to me with her questions and know that she can tell me anything and seek her mama as a source of advice always.  I hope she will use that sweet little self of hers to tell some jerk to you-know-what off when she needs to, but speak kindly otherwise.  I hope no one calls her "honey," "sweetheart," or anything else in a derogatory way.  I hope if (and when) someone calls her a dirty name, she lets it roll off her shoulder like rain. 

Ultimately, I as a mother, and on a bigger scale, we as parents have the power to do whatever we can to instill the ideas and morals in our children that can work towards reducing sexual abuse and harassment in our schools, colleges, and world.  Though these things will continue to happen, we can do our best to raise good little people, to become good big people, to use their morals and voices to continue to facilitate change in our world. For our daughters, our granddaughters, our sisters, our nieces, our friends, and ourselves. 

Year One: Done

Three hundred and sixty five.  I tried a search on Google to see how many things come up for the number "365."  It turns out, the results will bring you "days in a year" and "version of Microsoft Office."   I was really hoping for something just a little more profound than that, but apparently it really isn't as popular of a number as I had hoped.  It is, however, the number of days we have spent (and then some) as a family of four.  It is the number of days our sweet and sassy daughter has been breathing air on this beautiful Earth.

Granted, she is almost technically 16 months old, but in truth it was tougher than I thought it might be to reflect upon and write about her first year being over!  This little diva is our last baby for many reasons--but the fact that I referred to her as a little diva should really sum it up enough.  I didn't realize how many emotions would come reflecting on her first year in a way that was so different from reflecting on our son's first year.  Maybe it was the severe lack of sleep associated with him, or the fact that we knew we would have at least one more baby eventually; the emotions were much different.  The fact year one is done this time around also means we have experienced many last firsts in the past 16 months.  The truth is, a first year is filled with a LOT of stuff!  It is pretty amazing (and also gross, and confusing, and frustrating...) what things babies go through in their first year of life that they (and we) will likely not experience again; some I am frankly not so sad to kiss goodbye (like diaper blow outs).  while others are harder to put behind us (like her first smile and giggle).  Which is probably why it took me so long to come to terms with that enough to write about it!

There have been a lot of new life lessons learned from having a baby girl.  When I found out I was pregnant again (with surprise baby #2--her brother was surprise #1),  saying I was scared shitless is an understatement.  When we found out we were having a girl I was beyond ecstatic, but again scared.  What the heck do I do with a baby girl?  Everything will be different!  She made sure of that from day one by doing this cool thing called "well, guess I'll just be born almost four weeks early because I want to!" This has only continued through her first year of life in so many ways.  Being a girl mom was basically like having a first baby all over again.  Everything from how to change her diaper to ALL THE CLOTHES girls get were a new part of parenthood to me.  For example, buying baby girl clothes.  It is completely insane.  Not that our son's closet is by any means lacking, but when looking for girls' clothes online it goes something like this:

Searches for cute onesie. Finds cute onesie. Adds cute onesie to cart.  Website shows you leg warmers, bows, shoes, tutus, leggings, jackets, and jewelry that 'coordinate' with said cute onesie. Clearly, all of those things are needed. Suddenly your cart is totaling an amount that makes you question whether or not you should begin to sell excess organs and plasma in order to maintain a       cute wardrobe. Deletes entire cart. 

This is why I am a super, mega, huge fan of second hand boutiques--but that's a story for another day.

As much as I miss those little tiny baby cuddles and snuggles, I am having so much fun seeing her personality bloom.  Trust me, when I refer to her as a "diva" there is zero exaggeration.  She is SUCH a little diva!  But, she is also a happy, silly, determined, sweet, animal loving go getter.  If I am being completely honest, I actually enjoy this personality bloom much more than the newborn stage.  Don't get me wrong, babies are amazing, but I do not miss the lack of sleep or lugging an infant carrier around everywhere with me.  I did not realize how with a second child, I would actually look at her walking as a convenience instead of a nightmare. It is so nice that she can keep up with her brother and I don't have to pack her around everywhere.  Okay, so she still expects me to pack her around almost everywhere--that's what babywearing is for!  

An entire year has passed (and then some) since we became a family of four and I was no longer just a mom to a little boy but also to a baby girl.  What a change it has been and what a lesson in chaos!  Now, I cannot imagine life without our super surprise little girl keeping me on my toes with all of her energy, sass, and mischief.  As a number, 365 is so large but broken down into days it seems like it has been no time at all.  Happy belated 365, my sweet wild one. 

Filling the Cup

We have probably all had someone tell us at some point that "you can't pour from an empty cup." Aside from the obvious laws of physics that this mantra points out, the spiritual reference is much stronger than I realized as a new mom. If we aren't refilled, inevitably we will hit a point of emptiness that can't be replenished instantly. I know because this happened to me.

  I used to feel that I had to continually pour from this ever flowing fount of care and giving to everyone but me. I felt it was just "part of being a mom" and I let everything I knew and loved about myself go. One day after our daughter was born, I came across a photo of me taken at the National FFA Convention the year I received my American Degree. As I looked at myself in the picture I had this HUGE bundle of emotions come over me. Where was she? What happened to that girl who had everything going for her? Where was that confidence, that drive, that self-love that was so exuded in just that moment of my life? Then, I looked up into the mirror at the chubby, frumpy, unmade face, unbrushed hair, spit up stained t-shirt wearing, tired woman staring back at me and thought "she has to be under this somewhere, right?" In that moment I had let go of all the things I was and knew; not just in life and knowledge, but all of the personality traits that made me who I was. It was probably the toughest realization of my life, but also one I needed to make. I realized that I had to get back to caring for myself or I may not be here to take care of my children for as long as I want and need to be. It didn't help that I was having huge hormone let-downs postpartum and was basically a crazy mess anyway. The next day we took a shopping trip to Sam's Club, and between a screaming infant and a toddler who refused to listen to anything, I couldn't take it anymore and completely lost my shit in the bulk canned foods aisle next to the green beans. I stood there with the flood gates opened as my baby cried on my chest in a gassy fuss, my toddler ran up and down the aisle, and my husband stared at me with concerned, yet embarrassed eyes. We finished our shopping and left quickly to drive back home. I had ran my cup dry and needed to do something to refill it before we all thirsted for care and love to death.

Thankfully, my husband knew I was stubborn and would not take the initiative to just go. The next day he sent me to a nearby town to visit a winery I had been talking about wishing we could go to and the outlet mall he hated but knew I enjoyed. As I sat at the Shawnee Bluffs Winery overlooking the Lake of the Ozarks I decided that in that moment of reset, I needed to make a plan to get myself back and find that woman in the picture again; because that was the person I wanted to give to my children. I vowed to take better care of myself by starting an exercise routine, feeding us healthy and nourishing meals, and doing at least one thing a day specifically for myself whether it be a small getaway occasionally, taking a shower in peace,having a glass of wine after bedtime, or grabbing a latte for myself. I also decided it was time to start writing again. Putting it out there for others to see 1) the raw, real, and fun side of motherhood minus all the arguments and putdowns and judginess. The rest of the world is too good at that already and 2) that moms are not alone. We ALL go through these moments of lost sense of self. Anyone who says they haven't is lying to you. We must all stop and refill the cup or else we will run dry.

 We cannot give the best of ourselves to anyone if there is nothing left to give. 365 days later, the cup is overflowing and I am giving more to my children and husband than I thought was possible! I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep that cup full! we cannot give to others if we have nothing left inside of us to give. Now you all know a little more about the origin story of the Mediocre Mommy! It's not as cool as Wolverine's, but I think it is a close second. We can't ALL be X-Men, after all. Side Note: I really hope my bored mediocre husband reads this, I put that in there for YOU honey. I pay some attention to some of the stuff you like, see?

 Disclaimer: The Mediocre Mommy received no pay or incentive to mention the above establishments. These mentions were at the discretion of the writer and publisher and are not meant for advertising purposes.

On a Role (Or Not).

We've all seen them.  The funny internet pictures (the cool kids tell me these are called "memes") poking fun at dads seeking recognition for tasks moms do everyday.  They're funny, right?  I had two hands raised way up on that one.  Why do dads want so much recognition for things that are just part of our everyday?  Why should I have to offer praise when he loads the dishwasher or does a load of laundry?  Believe me when I say I was totally at the front of the line for finding these memes so true and so funny and relevant to my life.  Then, one day everything came into perspective.

A couple weeks ago, my husband had a small surgical procedure done, and while it was very minor it did leave him with a lifting and activity restriction for sometime.  I am convinced that our lawn realized this and took every ounce of its available energy to grow 9 feet overnight.  Saying it was looking shabby was an understatement.  Thank God we are not in a homeowner's association (maybe we are, frankly we have no idea).  The inevitable was about to happen.  I needed to mow our lawn.

No big deal right?  Wrong. I have never mowed a lawn in my 25 years of life.  Growing up on a dusty ranch with extreme allergies, I was not able to do this as a kid.  Plus also my parents had a ride-on mower and we have my grandma's push mower.  But I knew I could do it and that it was a task that needed done, so I set out one afternoon to do so.  After having to ask my husband how to start it, I had to come inside and have him start it for me.  About 1/4 of the way through the front yard, he also came out to tell me there is a handle for "self-propel"--this made my day so much easier.  I finished the front lawn and ran out of gas.  Apparently I "should have filled it before I began."  Who knew?! The man who mows the lawn all the time, that's who.

Since I am not a person of half-jobs, I set out the next day while both children were miraculously napping and my husband had returned to work to finish our backyard.  After fighting with the gas can for 20 minutes to get the gas to actually pour out (there has to be a better design for fume control, for real) I got the mower refueled and ready.  I drug that SOB outside and was ready to attempt to start it.  I pulled...and pulled...and cussed...and pulled...and paused and looked up and said "JOAN how were you able to get this thing started at 80?! I can't do it now, and I go to BodyPump!!"  It started right up. My grandma was looking down in that moment.  So I began mowing our backyard.  Can I just say that we have a HUGE yard?  Our first post-military life purchase will absolutely be a riding lawn mower. Zero turn radius preferred.

As I was pushing that SOB around and cutting the grass, I kept thinking how I couldn't wait to show my husband that I did it all by myself! I had mowed the lawn and it looked (almost) as good as when he mows! Then it dawned on me; I was doing the same thing I had rolled my eyes at him for a few times in the past. I was wanting him to praise me for a task that was part of his norm. I wanted praise for doing something our of my "role" as a housewife and mother. I wanted him to be proud of and happy and thankful that I did something that was in his "role" as a husband. In that moment more than ever I realized that there are no roles in a successful marriage relationship. If we both would give a little praise and grace for the other helping us, we would both thrive further in our relationship. Why should I expect him to not roll his eyes at me or criticize me for my poor (ok, pretty shitty really) mowing job just because I did it? The truth is, I should not have expected praise and thanks for doing a task that is part of living in our own (sort of own, we rent so whatever that is) place. I think it's true for all walks of life, but especially so for military families when I say that it is not only beneficial but in many cases crucial that we each understand the roles of the other. If (by if, I mean when) deployment rolls around for us, I will now know that I have the ability to mow our lawn. It sounds silly, really. But any skill known is beneficial during times of shifting and change. Plus, I can do it if I want to have a sporadic yard party so win-win. The point is this; I have learned that while I may be the main dish washer and laundress and he the lawn mower and wall hanging person it is ok to thank each other when one does something that may normally be on the other's "to-do" list. Even further, it is ok to see that when someone does something that may be in your norm, it is an act of love. Doing the laundry while I was recovering from womb emancipation (child birth) was an act of love from him, even if my clothes were not folded just how I would do it. Mowing the lawn while he was recovering from surgerywas an act of love from me, even if our lawn looked like our son mowed it. There are no roles, there is balance.

Dear Childhood Best Friend, Thank You.

The day we met, saying we were wild, hyper little girls would be a complete understatement. In fact, before I go further, I want to apologize to our sweet mothers who somehow kept their sanity that day!  Nerves were running high and we were both excited and nervous for our very first 4-H Fashion Review judging.  For those unfamiliar with this wonderful program (seriously, enroll your kids it is so beneficial!) the fashion review is the culminating event for the girls and boys who chose to sew an item,. outfit, or do some "smart shopping" to chose an appropriate outfit for an event, stick to a budget, etc.  I knew that I would sit in front of a judge and relive all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into creating my very first sewn garment; a lime green floral printed shorts and tank top set.  I was ready!  I loved to talk (ask my mom) and I was pretty proud of the set I had completed all by myself (with the help, exasperation, and pleading of my sweet mother, she's a saint, folks). 

What I didn't know was that when I walked through the doors of the Newcastle High School band room where we all waited to have our items judged, I would see a little girl with the curliest hair sitting on the floor playing with her horse toys, with a mother whose look spoke the same relief and exasperation as my own mother's that day.  I am not sure who was more drawn to each other, us or our moms who probably needed a good laugh and talk with someone who had been in the same boat. I mean, teaching a wild, playful, short-attention-spanned eight year old girl to sew has to be a trying task to say the least!  I didn't know it that day, but when I asked my mom if I could please go play with her we would be beginning what would be one of the best, most heartfelt friendships I have known.  Thanks, 4-H!



Let me just say, everyone needs that childhood best friend to go on adventures with.  She taught me more than she knows.  Well, she'll know now!  As a mother, there are so many people whose life lessons I have looked to when raising my own children--and those I learned from my great friend are right up there.  To name a few; it's ok to laugh at yourself--especially if you just fell off a big round hay bale into a snow drift.  Who cares what you look like, it was funny--LAUGH!, or if you want to dance, just go do it, if you don't have a partner it doesn't matter make it as you go, what is popular is not always what is right--don't confuse the two, if you want something (like a set of dual walkie-talkies to be super spies) save up your money, and most of all, be you and be silly; there is enough seriousness in this life.  If you can be silly and laugh about something, anything (like dressing up a sheep to walk about in a winter wool outfit in 100 degree weather or getting run over by pigs at the Wyoming State Fair, there is always something to laugh and be silly about).

Fast forward to the present.  We have very different lives, but one thing that hasn't changed is our relationship.  Thank you, friend.  Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for the adventures--I mean, we have been to Europe together! Thank you for never giving up on us.  Thank you for your sweet, fun, fierce love for my babies.  I may never have had a biological sister, but my kiddos have an aunt in you and they love you like one.  Thank you for the memories.  Thank you for our wild childhood days.  Thank you for our not so wild adult days.  On behalf of the wildlings, thank you for the tickles and snuggles and silliness. Thanks for being you.  I could write for days, but truthfully so many of my memories with you are those "had to be there" moments--you're thinking of them, I know you are!  You are the only person I would push in an 80s Nissan pickup in a KFC parking lot to pop a clutch to get moving.  Like, I wouldn't even do that for my husband, only person. So, in nutshell, thank you for being you; I don't know where I would be had our paths not crossed that fateful August morning.

My "Mom" is Showing

I love being a mom.  But I also love and cherish some kid-free time to just do my own thing.  When I was in college,  I had the excuse of school work to give me a reason to head to a coffee shop or restaurant with WiFi to give me some form of my former self back.  Now that I finally graduated, I still need some evening relax breaks, so periodically I will retreat to one of these locations to write about being a mom--ironic, right?  It's fun to blend in with the hip, likely single or at very least child-free crowd.

Then I do something like use hand sanitizer to wipe off the table and the mom in me just shines right on through.  Or I ask the nice barista for extra napkins just in case "someone has a spill."  I am confident she thinks I have split-personalities disorder.  Whatever.  The truth is, I can't even make it through ordering without sounding like a hot mess mother, and my heathens are safely home with the mediocre daddy.  So, I get up to order, and choose a hot, mocha latte.  Easy peasy.  Until I realize that clearly the thing to drink when its 82 degrees outside is a blended coffee with a bajillion flavors and more whipped cream than a Cool-Whip factory.  Seriously, this place has to own stock in Reddi-Whip or something.  I also requested a coffee sleeve.  I don't think the cool kids request those.

I also absent mindedly told another patron to "be careful" when he picked up a mug.  Who even does that?  This was before I ordered the espresso, in my defense.  Thankfully, I am a fairly pleasant person and he was good humored as I profusely apologized (and explained that I have a toddler, so it literally just slips out ALL the time).  So, my disguise to be cool failed almost as epically as my son's Darth Vader costume, he wore the cape but refused the rest, and got offended if someone asked who he was on Halloween.

Basically, the moral of the story is that you can never fully leave motherhood at home, even if that's where the kids are.  And that's ok.  Who knows, I may have saved a barista some work just in case someone does have a spill, and possibly saved a mug's life today.  All the positive vibes, right?  But seriously.  You think I'm funny at the coffee shop, you should see me attempt a club.  That's a story for another time.  Being a writing mom totally has it's perks (see what I did there?).  I get to play hipster cool kid for a couple hours, all while trying provide my wonderful readers with some entertainment!  So, wherever you are out there, if you see me doing something weird and "mom" in public, just come discretely tell me my "mom" is showing.

*Disclaimer:  I purchased my drink from our local Starbucks franchise.  I did not receive the item in my hand for free, discounted, or in exchange for marketing or advertising purposes for Starbucks.  I just really needed some flippin coffee at night.*

Your First Time After Baby

You're finally ready for the first time after baby is born.  Let's be honest, you're a bit nervous, unsure of how you look or feel, secretly just want to go to bed, worried that the baby may wake up hungry half-way through and you need to excuse yourself to feed her.  Is there spit-up in your hair?  Poop on you anywhere?  Is it noticeable?  Well, times up for worrying it's time to just get to it.

You thought this post was going to be about, sex huh.  Gotcha!  No, I'm not talking about the first time you are intimate with your significant other after the baby is born--let's face it NO ONE wants to read about that.  I'm talking about the first solo trip to the grocery store by yourself.  The similarities are somewhat uncanny, aren't they.  Whether its your first baby or your fifth, adding another person to a shopping trip takes a bit of planning, and let's face it; its nerve wracking!  I must admit, that deciding how it was going to mesh with a toddler and a month old baby alone was just down-right scary.  What if she cries?  What if he has a meltdown?  What if I can't fit all my groceries in the cart?  How the heck will I not lose my toddler in the Commissary if he decides to make a run for it?

So, there I was clutching a 2.5 year old's little hand in my clammy palm praying he would just be good, while constantly checking that the baby tied to my chest was still calmly sleeping.  This is basically where babywearing saved my life for the millionth time.  I dote on it quite often, but seriously the practicality with multiple kiddos is just so worth it.  With a baby on board (literally) and toddler in tow, we went aisle by aisle hastily filling our cart with items on our list and a few that my little sneak managed to put in the cart without my knowing until we got to the checkout stand; at least I think the five bags of M&Ms were his doing, could have been me, only God will ever really know.  As we strolled, people would say things like "look how brave you are!" or "Out already? Bless you!" Which, I have learned from my Southern friends is not always a compliment!  But here's the thing; I'm not brave, unheard of, supermom, talented, whatever else--I was a mom with two kids and a husband who needed to eventually eat food (and a mom who just really wanted some ice cream and socialization).  I am obviously not the first woman to have more than one child, or to take those two children shopping; we all have to face it eventually, right?   For those mamas who are about the face it for the first time, here is my advice: make a list, make a plan, go when your kids are having happy time (for me its right after naptime, or first thing in the morning), let your toddler help to keep them engaged and distracted, and do whatever you have to to make it a good experience for you and your family!  If that's and iPad, cool.  If that's an in-store snack for the toddler and a super huge coffee for mom, cool.  If that's having a helper, cool.  If that's ordering pizza because you are out of meal type foods and want to go to the store alone, cool we have all been there at least once.

The moral of the story is the first time after baby will always be a bit of figuring and tough while you get your routine down.  But, just roll with it and remember, one day they will both be in school and you can do this blissfully alone--sometimes that thought is what keeps me going!