My "Mom" is Showing

I love being a mom.  But I also love and cherish some kid-free time to just do my own thing.  When I was in college,  I had the excuse of school work to give me a reason to head to a coffee shop or restaurant with WiFi to give me some form of my former self back.  Now that I finally graduated, I still need some evening relax breaks, so periodically I will retreat to one of these locations to write about being a mom--ironic, right?  It's fun to blend in with the hip, likely single or at very least child-free crowd.

Then I do something like use hand sanitizer to wipe off the table and the mom in me just shines right on through.  Or I ask the nice barista for extra napkins just in case "someone has a spill."  I am confident she thinks I have split-personalities disorder.  Whatever.  The truth is, I can't even make it through ordering without sounding like a hot mess mother, and my heathens are safely home with the mediocre daddy.  So, I get up to order, and choose a hot, mocha latte.  Easy peasy.  Until I realize that clearly the thing to drink when its 82 degrees outside is a blended coffee with a bajillion flavors and more whipped cream than a Cool-Whip factory.  Seriously, this place has to own stock in Reddi-Whip or something.  I also requested a coffee sleeve.  I don't think the cool kids request those.

I also absent mindedly told another patron to "be careful" when he picked up a mug.  Who even does that?  This was before I ordered the espresso, in my defense.  Thankfully, I am a fairly pleasant person and he was good humored as I profusely apologized (and explained that I have a toddler, so it literally just slips out ALL the time).  So, my disguise to be cool failed almost as epically as my son's Darth Vader costume, he wore the cape but refused the rest, and got offended if someone asked who he was on Halloween.

Basically, the moral of the story is that you can never fully leave motherhood at home, even if that's where the kids are.  And that's ok.  Who knows, I may have saved a barista some work just in case someone does have a spill, and possibly saved a mug's life today.  All the positive vibes, right?  But seriously.  You think I'm funny at the coffee shop, you should see me attempt a club.  That's a story for another time.  Being a writing mom totally has it's perks (see what I did there?).  I get to play hipster cool kid for a couple hours, all while trying provide my wonderful readers with some entertainment!  So, wherever you are out there, if you see me doing something weird and "mom" in public, just come discretely tell me my "mom" is showing.

*Disclaimer:  I purchased my drink from our local Starbucks franchise.  I did not receive the item in my hand for free, discounted, or in exchange for marketing or advertising purposes for Starbucks.  I just really needed some flippin coffee at night.*

Your First Time After Baby

You're finally ready for the first time after baby is born.  Let's be honest, you're a bit nervous, unsure of how you look or feel, secretly just want to go to bed, worried that the baby may wake up hungry half-way through and you need to excuse yourself to feed her.  Is there spit-up in your hair?  Poop on you anywhere?  Is it noticeable?  Well, times up for worrying it's time to just get to it.

You thought this post was going to be about, sex huh.  Gotcha!  No, I'm not talking about the first time you are intimate with your significant other after the baby is born--let's face it NO ONE wants to read about that.  I'm talking about the first solo trip to the grocery store by yourself.  The similarities are somewhat uncanny, aren't they.  Whether its your first baby or your fifth, adding another person to a shopping trip takes a bit of planning, and let's face it; its nerve wracking!  I must admit, that deciding how it was going to mesh with a toddler and a month old baby alone was just down-right scary.  What if she cries?  What if he has a meltdown?  What if I can't fit all my groceries in the cart?  How the heck will I not lose my toddler in the Commissary if he decides to make a run for it?

So, there I was clutching a 2.5 year old's little hand in my clammy palm praying he would just be good, while constantly checking that the baby tied to my chest was still calmly sleeping.  This is basically where babywearing saved my life for the millionth time.  I dote on it quite often, but seriously the practicality with multiple kiddos is just so worth it.  With a baby on board (literally) and toddler in tow, we went aisle by aisle hastily filling our cart with items on our list and a few that my little sneak managed to put in the cart without my knowing until we got to the checkout stand; at least I think the five bags of M&Ms were his doing, could have been me, only God will ever really know.  As we strolled, people would say things like "look how brave you are!" or "Out already? Bless you!" Which, I have learned from my Southern friends is not always a compliment!  But here's the thing; I'm not brave, unheard of, supermom, talented, whatever else--I was a mom with two kids and a husband who needed to eventually eat food (and a mom who just really wanted some ice cream and socialization).  I am obviously not the first woman to have more than one child, or to take those two children shopping; we all have to face it eventually, right?   For those mamas who are about the face it for the first time, here is my advice: make a list, make a plan, go when your kids are having happy time (for me its right after naptime, or first thing in the morning), let your toddler help to keep them engaged and distracted, and do whatever you have to to make it a good experience for you and your family!  If that's and iPad, cool.  If that's an in-store snack for the toddler and a super huge coffee for mom, cool.  If that's having a helper, cool.  If that's ordering pizza because you are out of meal type foods and want to go to the store alone, cool we have all been there at least once.

The moral of the story is the first time after baby will always be a bit of figuring and tough while you get your routine down.  But, just roll with it and remember, one day they will both be in school and you can do this blissfully alone--sometimes that thought is what keeps me going!  

Parkmagheddon

Like most toddlers, my son is drawn to the park.  It calls to him like the Ocean to Moana.  Most days, I love taking him to the park and letting him climb, run, explore, and enjoy his time in an outdoor setting.  I love the independence that park play can help bolster.  But then there are the other days.

The other 1% of park days are the ones where something unnecessary happens to him.  Whether he is kicked, hit, tackled, punched, or yelled at by another child or group of children, those days are straight up Parkmaghddon and the mama bear in me has to rear it's ugly head.  Now, I refuse to parent another mother's child.  I could say it's because I don't want to step on toes or don't know what parenting style is used at their home, but frankly, it's because I spend 24 hours a day parenting my own kids, I don't need to extend that outside of my house and my tribe.  I like to mind my own motherhood.  This is usually pretty simple.  My kind-hearted, friendly, little love bug typically is pretty good at just walking away from a situation that he senses may be more than he can handle (he is one heck of a fast runner, that kid is totally my cardio!).  However, from time to time there are those unavoidable kids.  The ones that sense his soft heartedness and take advantage of it as a means to get to him.

But inside that soft heart is unafraid.  He will go into the fire of parkmahgeddon to stick up for his friends, and that makes my heart happy.  He will tell the bullying culprits to "just leave me alone!"or that they cannot play with him.  And guess what?  That's ok.  That is completely ok.  I don't want to be around adults who are mean and nasty to me, it is no different for my kiddos.  Actions speak so much louder than words, and bullying is such an issue in our society.  If he has instilled confidence to stick up to bullies at three, I can only keep boosting that confidence so he can stick up to them at 13 too.

Moms, I get it, I really do.  I tend to believe that most mothers, and I truly mean most, are just doing the best they can.  Sometimes we miss things.  Sometimes we have our hands full.  Sometimes we need to park it on a bench and take a breather while our kids run because it's been a rough day.  But, sometimes we need to take our noses out of our cell phones and pay attention to the reality around us.  Sometimes we need to step away from a good conversation to see exactly what our child is doing.  Sometimes we need to be unafraid to approach a parent or guardian if a child is stepping well out of line.  Sometimes, we just need to walk away.  The last one is my main defense mechanism.  I don't want to say hurtful things I regret later.  I want to do nothing more than remove my child from a situation he does not understand and in these cases does not deserve.  Because sometimes the walking away is just the right thing to do.  Instead of fighting fire with fire we take the peaceable route when possible.  Because walking away with his head held high is not a defeat for him, its a defeat for those trying their best to get at him.