Candy Cane Blues: The Trials of an Allergy Mom

  Having kids is never easy.  I can think of at least a billion things that haven't gone as planned so far in my parenting journey, like the tantrums or the refusal to use a toilet.  What I didn't plan for was a child with a severe allergy/intolerance to dyes and artificial sweeteners.  This has become especially tough as the season for sweets and candy is upon us.

Having a child with any type of allergy is hard, I know because I not only mother a child with an issue but have many allergy issues with foods as well as Celiac's Disease, so I am no knew hand at special dietary needs.  What I am new to is deciding just what our son can and cannot have; usually discovering the cannots when it's too late.  Like today.  Today he woke up happy and playful (at a ridiculously early hour per usual).  We began to get ready for a big day of special Max time on the 1880s Santa Claus Express--a North Pole themed ride on the 1880s train in Hill City, SD.  Then it happened.  He was throwing up.  Then the guessing game begins.  Is it the stomach flu?  Did he eat something inedible?  Was the milk bad?  Oh, wait.  There it is.  That candy cane he had yesterday? Red Dye 40, one of the biggest culprits of his allergy issues.  Coupled with a chocolate Santa containing an artificial sweetener.  Let me just say, Splenda is not our friend.  The worst part?  I thought they were ok.  I know, I know "you didn't know those would bother him!" but that doesn't make it easier to see a child, MY child, sick when it could have been prevented.  Trial and error is not the way to learn, but sadly, it's been how we have to figure this out for him.

Candy canes are a no go for my sweetener and dye sensitive three year old.  Do you know how hard that is for him to understand?  It's hard.  He thankfully is a very understanding little guy; he knows that "that gunna get my tummy sick, mom!" and that's the end of it.  But it's still hard for a little guy to understand.  It's hard when the other kids get candies he can't have.  It's hard when he is given a candy that I have to take away from him.  It's hard when people make fun of parents like me.

I know it's hard to understand allergies or having a child with allergies if it is not something that is a part of life for all.  I worry about school days and how that bridge can be crossed as smoothly as possible.  I am thankful for the friend(s) I have who willingly watches my kids and who genuinely monitor and care about what Max can and cannot eat.  I am thankful his condition is not worse and that we are learning how to work around it.  That doesn't make those few aside comments hurt any less.

From our experience, I have learned some valuable things.  Firstly, I understand how lacking our food system is at explicit labeling of ingredients after having to painstakingly search for in depth ingredient lists for every candy in his Halloween bag, parade candy, or newly candy canes.  This is something I would love to see improved in our future and it is 100% possible if we voice our concerns.  Secondly, I learned that its just not ok to poke fun at eating problems or tease parents for how they feed their children.  This was not something I had done in the past, but I do admit there were times I would chuckle to myself grocery shopping and seeing all the "Organic" and "All Natural" selections that were obviously so without need for additional labeling.  But I get it now.  It is comforting to know that there are products out there I can buy without having to look up ingredients on my cell phone in the grocery store.  It's nice to have that small bit of normalcy while shopping.

Bottom line: if a parent chooses to go gluten free, dairy free, nut free, preservative free, sweetener free, vegan, all meats, vegetarian, feed the child fast food daily, eat deli meats, buy candy bars, buy only fruit, or any other eating choice it's their choice and only their choice and that mom probably doesn't need your input.  Don't tell her she eats weird.  Don't tell her her children eat weird.  Don't poke fun at things like celebrations and birthday parties that she worked damn hard to make sure her child wasn't sick the next day because of food choices.  We don't know everyone's reasons and we don't need to to just be good and understanding people.  I just laugh it off when people poke fun at how my son eats or think I am "weird" or "mean" or "a hippie" for making sure my child's sweets are real ingredients only.  At the end of the day, I'm the one caring for and cleaning up after a sick child who could have had a lot of avoided discomfort and I love that I can help prevent that from happening.  Besides, eliminating dyes and artificial sweeteners doesn't mean my child eats organic, healthy, wonderful, wholesome meals daily.  The kid had a hotdog for breakfast.  It's all about balance.